IBM E-Learning Services got word earlier this month that our department would be relocating to Wai Gao Qiao (Free Trade Zone) WAAAAAAAAY out in the boonies. So the higher ups’ selling points included individual cubicles in a newly constructed space with windows, cheap but healthy and tasty cafeteria food, an outdoor environment with clean air (as opposed to the polluted city air) and convenient shuttle bus locations. Right. And the bad news is? My 30-50 minute roundtrip commute jumps to 3+ hours. Yeeeaaah. Needless to say, the next day I notified my PM that I was outta there. I mean, I didn’t even get to speaking frankly about the job itself (unchallenging and inefficient, exacerbated by shitty resources)…. I just explained that I simply am unwilling to commute that far. It’s a lifestyle choice. Even if I could work part of the week downtown, I’m still not doing it. Not only is the move completely illogical for my position because I can do everything more effectively and efficiently from my office at home, but it would require that I drop all my teaching gigs, which I started months ago. I enjoy teaching my clients. Teaching is just such a slice of work heaven. I do my own thing, and my students are cool people. We actually connect. Plus, at the FTZ, there are no guarantees the facilities there will actually be conducive to productivity. Yeah sure, I’ll have my own space, but are we getting a new server to replace our one that has 50 GB of space for our staff of 20? What about our printer? Will we get one that is higher capacity and does not freeze/jam all the damn time? Who knows.

Interestingly, I was told today that another department in IBM has a tech writer opening. I’m going to try and interview for it. At least, that section will stay in downtown. Pay isn’t as good but I’ll see. Could work out.

Anyway, I guess everything balances out. John gets off between Xmas and New Year’s. We’re going to Thailand– Bangkok and then Phuket. Should be fun. We’re gonna load up on cheap massages. After that, we’re going to the US (again!) West Coast for his work. Four weeks. I imagine I’ll do some info interviews with companies/NGOs based in LA (with work in China) and travel around. But I dunno, it’ll be hard to do East Coast when the West Coast is so much warmer in the winter.

Ok well things have been really hectic with work wrapping up, job hunting, and travel planning. I’m wiped. Ran all over town today running visa errands for John. Went to the Entry/Exit Bureau, waited an hour only to be told that I didn’t have the right docs. Starving, we then got stuck in a jerky cab that made me motion sick. Hitting the sack early tonight.

Three weeks ago, Chinese-American author Iris Chang took her life. I haven’t read any of her books in their entirety (mostly because I am afraid to…), but I feel such a loss. She was 37 years old. I mentioned Ms. Chang previously in my blog after I came across one of her books, The Rape of Nanking, at the Foreign Languages Bookstore. I remember how that day I spent hours reading excerpts and thumbing through pages and pages of horrific images depicting Japanese atrocities committed against Chinese civilians.

When I initially heard news of her death, I found it ironic. After all here’s a young woman, born in a wealthy developed country, intelligent, talented, educated, successful. She reported on people whose lives were rife with hardship, violence, tragedy. How could she then turn around and take her privileged life for granted? It seemed so counter-intuitive… Yet, it also made sense. As someone who has difficulty compartmentalizing my own emotions, I can imagine the overwhelming mental burden Iris must have endured from her discoveries. Humankind is inherently evil. Life’s a real bitch.

I always waver back and forth on these thoughts. In recent months, I’ve come closer to taking them as truths. There is just so much shit going on in the world. I try to keep up with the news, because I don’t want to be ignorant. But knowing reality and the truth is so frustrating and discouraging. Sudan. Prison abuses. Israel/Palestine. Another mining explosion in China. Iraq. How can one maintain optimism and hope in this fucked up world? In recent weeks, I’ve started having trouble waking up in the mornings. Last month, I was up before 7 every day working gung ho. I guess at that time, my sense of purpose gained from working for Big Blue had not yet worn off. Now I find myself hitting snooze repeatedly. I have a disgustingly fortunate and prvileged life. I know that, but awareness doesn’t do shit. I need to do more. I need to do more to change things, to make things better. But what? And how?