I’ve never been pregnant (cross the fingers!), but I’ve certainly heard the rumors about pregnancy’s many pleasant side effects– cravings, mood swings, overall physical discomfort (and bloating), irritability… I’m displaying ALL these symptoms. Despite my whole “I’m slim and fit” posting just this month, I’m in the middle of some crazy binge. The other day, I literally scooped a huge spoonful of peanut butter (smooth, of course) and rolled it in chocolate morsels. I consumed this dangerous concoction not once, not twice, but THREE times in one sitting. Not quite Reese’s PB cups, but it does fine in a pinch. Who knows how many times this process replayed in one day. Who knows? It’s a mystery.

I’ve also been doing the home popcorn thing. A bit of oil in the pot, dump in the kernels, and voila! Fresh hot popcorn in minutes. Add a bit of salt and it’s popped perfection.

Yesterday, I was dying to take advantage of Asia Xpat’s Monday 2-1 special, but no cigar. Sucks to be alone or to have no friends. Ok, so I guess technically I’m neither, but for all intents and purposes, I was both yesterday, because goddamnit, I had to pass up on two tremendous deals— massage at Dragonfly AND food at 239. Guess there’s always next Monday. So pathetically, I satisfied my hunger with homemade mac and cheese. Macaroni, butter, and cheddar cheese. It was actually kind of gross because I couldn’t get the cheese to melt properly (maybe because it’s not real cheese?). It was all clumpy and shit. So yeah, wasn’t the best m&c but hey, it silenced the pangs. And the mediocre flavor certainly didn’t deter me from consuming a monster bowl.

Today, I met some friends for lunch. Ate an entire plateful of Yangzhou fried rice. It was super tasty, especially because I was starving, but afterwards I regretted doing myself in. Not that I’m now one of those dieting freaks– you know, those annoying skinny girls who always complain about overeating… I DID eat too much (it was like a homestyle-size serving!!), but mostly, I regretted the food coma that followed. I was kind of a bubble head the rest of the day.

Ironically enough, I attended a talk this afternoon on the slow foods movement. Believe it or not, the speaker is the ex-boyfriend of an ex-friend. She’s no longer in Shanghai, and we’re not really in touch anymore. Long story. Anyway, the talk was interesting… I was a bit bothered by the Ostore’s insistence on pairing organic foods with the slow foods movement, but fortunately, the speaker set the record straight from the get go: slow foods isn’t about always promoting healthy or organic foods; rather, it’s about preserving food traditions and cultures, for example, learning the history of dishes from different regions, different peoples. It’s really more like a home-cooked food enthusiast club, at least that’s how I read it.

So the point of all of this is that I’m on some kind of crazy warpath. I’m ok with feeding the cravings… I know they will pass. But for some reason, I’ve been looking and feeling a bit ragged. I’m getting shit sleep– staying up too late doing job apps I think and also trying to study. I don’t exactly know, but my tolerance is growing super thin. Little things are bugging the life out of me. My classmates, for one, continue to get under my skin. OMG, there are these two Korean ladies. They behave like total girls. My fucking god, they have the high-pitched giggle mastered to a t. They laugh at EVERYTHING. Anytime the white dude in class speaks– be it humorous or not (usually not)– his comments are followed by a chorus of uncontrollable giggling. You know that I believe in non-violence right? But shit, I swear, I really want to punch them. Yes, it’s that bad. I should take a tape recorder just so you can understand my pain.

Another example that my anxiety is on high alert? A friend of mine told me about a bad experience with Enjoy Shanghai. Practically everyone I know participates in this Entertainment Book spin-off: basically, you buy this book of vouchers and you get discounts and BOGO specials at various participating venues (food, services, retail, etc.). On paper, the program sounds wonderful. In practice, the system sucks because the fine print is inadequate. You can read the terms and conditions until you’re blue in the face, but once you arrive at the venue, it’s all at their discretion. Suddenly, the coupon’s not valid at that time or for that dish or whatever. Fucking ridiculous. Well yesterday, after hearing my friend’s story, that was simply the last straw. I was pissed, and something had to be done. So I came home and drafted a nastygram. Normally, I obsess about all outgoing correspondence (except those to friends). Yeah, like I spend hours on organization, grammar, flow, language… it’s this paralyzing illness I have. But yesterday, it all just came to me. I wrote and sent the thing in a record 10 minutes. I’m telling you, this is what happens when you break the camel’s back: she turns into a hardcore fighting dog.

I’m writing you once again to voice my displeasure with your Enjoy program. Quite frankly, I am tired of going to the venues, ordering food, and then being told that the coupon is not valid for that menu or for that particular time. The tactic used by Enjoy and the restaurants seems like a classic textbook case of bait and switch.

I can immediately recall two personal incidents (but there are many more, I assure you). One time I went to M*** for lunch. The coupon said nothing about dinner only, but after we finished our meal, the waiter insisted we could not use the coupon. A second time, I went to BB. Again, the coupon did not indicate any restrictions. My friend and I ate lunch and then when we presented the coupon, we were told that it didn’t apply for that particular lunch menu.

Last week, my friend and her husband went to K***. Again, they read the terms listed on the coupon beforehand. They ordered their food, and then the waiter returned and said one of the entrees was not part of the special.

I am frustrated, because I feel this is a deliberate attempt to deceive the customer. The establishments lure us into their venues to try their food and service, and then once we are there, all kinds of new rules and policies appear. Each time, the establishment handles the matter in the most unprofessional and discourteous manner. Now, all of my friends call the venue beforehand and mention the coupon to make sure that when they arrive, the coupon will be accepted. Obviously, such action is excessive; unfortunately, it is also necessary. At this rate, all of us are better off participating in AsiaXpat’s Monday 2 for 1 specials. Enjoy is simply not worth the hassle.

I would appreciate your prompt reply to my grievances. I would like to know how you will ensure that these bait and switch operations do not continue and how you intend to compensate me and my friends for our frustrations and inconveniences with this program.