Because of my damn rash, I couldn’t sleep all last night. Even the slightest contact with my clothes caused extreme discomfort (throbbing and irritation). I took a blazing hot shower. Then I changed the sheets. I read some article about the recent rise of bed bugs… After that, I started itching all over, so I searched our mattress frantically looking for bed bugs. Nothing.

Today, I spent all morning calling dermatologist offices, trying to book a goddamn same-day appointment. Frickin’ vain-ass Americans, practically all the derms were booked to like December! And you know most patients are there for Botox and Restylene and all that non-emergency bullshit. Anyway, thank goodness one place had an opening. After a sleepless night, I had to get this shit diagnosed.

Well fuck me, I’ve got the shingles. The scientific name, herpes zoster, is enough to make me feel like I belong in a Leper colony. Seriously, I feel dirty. And even though the condition is not contagious, John has this frightful look on his face when I touch him with my leg. “Stay away, Craisins!”

So apparently, the shingles is a reactivation of the chicken pox virus. Experts aren’t sure what triggers the reactivation, but usually it happens in adults over 50, i.e. in people with weakened immune systems. I mean, I’ve always admitted to being an old fart, but Jesus, I’m now classified with senior citizens and people with suppressed immune systems, i.e. people with AIDS, cancer, organ transplants??! Yeah, wtf? I suppose I was a little stressed, but puhleez, I certainly still considered myself healthy. Big wake up call.

So I’m on anti-viral meds now. The med box cautions against operating motor vehicles. Pretty much the drugs knock me out like Benedryl does.

I read that even after the rash disappears, that area of skin and nerves may remain annoyingly sensitive to any contact with fabric. So shit, I have a field trial starting next week and I’m going to be drowsy, itchy, and achy in the nerves. Just shoot me already. Fuckin’ skin, ain’t nothing but trouble. Guess I’m staying in tonight.