I haven’t been sleeping well lately: I’m battling a bad attitude… again. I know, I once promised, “if I had a job, I wouldn’t complain at all…” blah, blah, blah. Well I like the job, but the job isn’t exactly leaving me time for much else. In fact, John and I are so caught up doing our own job tracks, we barely even talk anymore. It’s just eat, sleep, and work. Totally boring and depressing. Aside from that, he suffers from so many ailments. Today he went home early with major migraines, but of course the day he took off early, I stayed late. The day I got out early, he stayed late. Such is the grind: missed connections that ultimately lead to two people living separate lives while sharing one apartment. Does that make any sense?

We tried to have a nice dinner out this evening. Hit some steak restaurant. The steakhouse appeared promising, but we ended up waiting 15 minutes for a waiter all while 80’s music blasted in the background. If I had wanted to go to a diner, that’s where I would have gone! Needless to say, I was a grump. My commute tonight took 45 minutes, 20 minutes of which was spent in gridlock, moving about 20 mph. So frustrating.

At work, we had a client visit today, and I prepped all the documents/handouts. Then I was called to talk about them, and I got all nervous and stressed. I did a horrible job. I mean, the client put in a purchase order, but still, I just came across nervous. And I don’t know what my problem is. I thought I had overcome this issue. Wrong. The anxiety is back and I’m just fed up with it. I mean it’s fine, I just have to work on it. But then I also feel this disconnect with my co-workers. Some of them seem really nice, but others, when we go out to lunch, I feel very quiet like there is nothing to talk about. Why does this happen? Again, I thought I’d taken care of these problems. So troubling. And I dunno. I just feel boring even though I don’t really believe I am. I mean, I have hobbies (the doggies, my blog, yelp??!), opinions, stories. I dunno. I guess with the weekend coming up, I just feel like another two days of rest will quickly be filled with errands (I have the get the car serviced).

My next door neighbor called tonight. The guy has kidney stones, so he’s going in for surgery tonight. Poor thing. I agreed to watch the baby dinosaurs while the parents are at the hospital. Came home to shit and piss all over again. Sigh.

You see, sometimes life just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Now I have the job I always wanted, but there is nothing for me here. I’m just a robot in a cycle, a hamster in the wheel. No worries, I’m not suicidal or anything. Just feeling a bit bummed about life choices. I complained to John that I didn’t feel connected with my coworkers. He said I needed to try to think about commonalities. He suggested a Friday happy hour, but I dunno. After a few weeks, I almost would rather eat lunch at my desk and get out early. None of the area restaurants there are that good anyway. Is that wrong that I’d rather leave early than “bond” with the colleagues? Shrug.