I am still going through major growing pains with my new laptop. The other day, I had a serious flipout. I got home late from work, and then I opened up an Excel file to make some changes. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I’m a serious keyboard shortcuts queen: I hate using the mouse. Maybe because half the time, I can’t find the damn cursor on the screen, or I just don’t have the coordination necessary to click exactly on the button or arrow or whatever. I don’t know what the exact reasons are, but I have a love affair with shortcuts. So anyway, I pulled up this file. I think I was doing some silly formatting thing, like I wanted to do a column auto fit or something. So on PC, it’s just Alt, O, C, A. Done. Well, I went to do the equivalent on Mac and Jesus, there was no keyboard shortcut. Like how do you fucking activate the menu? Ugh. Had to use the goddamn mouse–seriously cramping my style. Then, later I was like on that zapcar website, and I wanted to view the video. My browser kept saying I didn’t have some plug-in installed. Fine. I followed the links, and somehow I still couldn’t get the stupid thing installed. Now I’m no computer genius, but I was Technology Manager at LifeLine AND web team associate at FMF. What the hell? I think I know how to follow directions on installing a plug-in!! So damn frustrating! In the end, I never even got it. In fact, I STILL don’t have the plug-in to view the Obvio in action. John says Apple isn’t to blame, that the download is messed up or whatever. Frankly, I don’t give a shit what the excuse is. I just know I was misled. User-friendly my ass. Everything is totally counter-intuitive. That night, I had a total meltdown. I detached the laptop from my display and put everything back in the box. I brought out my trusty Vaio. Who cares if it doesn’t have DVI. At least I have my column auto fit shortcut. Geez.

The next day, I felt bad for flipping out and removing everything Mac from my workspace. What was I going to do with this damn laptop? John had already spent so much time moving my files, installing software, upgrades, etc. So I apologized to him for my bad attitude and researched online for books on Mac keyboard shortcuts. I found the perfect book– keyboard shortcuts was in its title. That was my answer! Then I went to the library. They didn’t carry it. Went to Borders– it was out of print. Once again, I was and still am SOL. Yes, I know about turning on full keyboard access with Ctrl-F1. It’s not the fucking same. Not even close. I can’t stop cursing the absence of this critical feature. How could the shortcuts be overlooked? It’s like the obstinate one-button trackpad/mouse all over again. Who is designing this shit??!

Today I had another un-user-friendly experience. I had to upgrade my firmware, so I followed the directions. Turned off the unit. Held the power button down until the LED flashed. Then the damn thing beeped loudly (this wasn’t in the instructions, mind you). Long story short, I fucked up the upgrade and managed to render the unit completely unusable. Then I had to research recovering the firmware, blah, blah. WTF??! Again, it’s not like I have my parents’ level of technical ignorance and yet Mac still manages to screw me over and over again. Sigh. I managed to regain functionality but Jesus, this thing is really trying me. One day, I may just have to run it over with my car. Yup, we’re talking scorned-by-Ebay-level of anger here. Not good.

My Mac has returned to the priority location on my desk. It is again connected to my display via the DVI. But I regret the return of the Mac every single day. It’s a constant thorn in my side. I know, if I feel that strongly about it, I should just go back. But I’m in too deep now. Somehow I’ll have to find the strength to tough this out. Fucking A.