Jesus f-ing Christ, it’s just been one of those weeks. I swear, I’m going to submit my letter of resignation next week. Ok, I’m being overly dramatic. Still, this was my first week as a full-timer, and my god, I hardly had time to piss and shit. Seriously, worked late every goddamn night, and I’m soooo frustrated.

You see, I’m working with this guy. He’s Muslim, which is fine, but just so you know, he’s the same dude who interviewed me and wouldn’t shake my hand. Remember him? Yeah, at that time, he said, “I see from your resume that you’re feminist and all, but I don’t shake hands.” So whatever. Back then, I thought he just didn’t shake anyone’s hand. I know, I’m the ignorant American who knows nothing about religion, much less Islam. So I just thought it was a custom-type thing… until we went to some customer meeting and he shook their hands. But whatever, I’m not going to take offense over something little like that.

Anyway, the CEO asked me to work with him on cost analysis. I’m like the farthest thing from the business type, so I have zippo interest in cost stuff but whatev. I’m the company’s bitch now. So long story short, I’ve had to spend a lot of time with Mister M. and in the last week, I’m sure I’ve committed all kinds of sins against him. For example, on several occasions, I accidentally brushed against his hand at the keyboard or hit his leg with mine. Poor guy. In both instances, he rolled his chair back away from the desk, and then it was just quiet for a second or two. Sorry, but if he would just let me update the fucking file… I get so impatient watching him make changes that I could make in no time. So that’s the bigger picture. I don’t really care about the religious thing (other than not wanting to totally offend him). But he’s frustrating me as a coworker, because he’s very particular about his Excel files and so am I. We had this meeting with the customer earlier this week, and there were all these complaints that the stuff we presented was confusing or jumbled or whatever, which was actually true. So I really wanted to re-examine everything and try to take an entirely different approach… you know, like just start from scratch. I inserted a new spreadsheet and assembled the data in a way I thought was clearer. But then he liked his way… and we ended up just stepping on each other’s toes all while trying to be cooperative and polite. I’ll tell you though, I was seriously at my wit’s end. And I was getting stressed out too. And sure, I had some mistakes. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that my work is perfect. But so many damn times, I suggested to do something one way, and he refused. Then, later the CEO would come by and suggest the same thing. Wtf? Of course, the CEO never knew I made the suggestion already nor did Mister M. ever acknowledge my comment. After the customer meeting, I also linked everything in Excel, such that if the vehicle quantities changed, we just had to update one cell, then everything would automatically update. But then he was upset I didn’t update his form but rather, I started a new sheet. Ugh. Well I won’t bore you with the details but I’m still frickin’ worked up about it. The conclusion is that he will work with the CEO on the file this weekend. So whatever. I’m letting go. After all the time I poured into this, is that supposed to be consoling?

In other news, my life sucks. I still have no friends, and John and I don’t even get along. Earlier this week, in my pissy state, I was totally going to throw in the towel. I just don’t need this bullshit anymore. I’m really sick of doing all the housecrap, dog crap, plus work. He doesn’t make time for anything except work. After two days of tiffs, he told management they needed to start finding someone else to direct engineering… so things have gotten a little better at home but “us” hasn’t been a priority for a long time. And I guess I need to just move on. I’m going to do shit this weekend. I suggest things all the time, but I guess I’ll just have to start doing them alone: massages, game nights, roller skating. This is what life in the States is all about: work, money, consumption, reality tv (John actually watches Desperate Housewives of OC… WTF???) and separate lives. And certainly, my first week as a full-timer only furthers that point. The poor dogs no longer get their long walks every day. I wake up early, come home late, feed the dogs, wash the dishes, vacuum, sort the mail. Poor Goodbers is now an enjoyment pushed to Friday through Sunday. And it’s not just me. I work with some really cool people but what a shame: they all work crazy hours. This is what life here is all about. I’m turning into a robot once again.

So my plan is to recoup this weekend. I’m going to get my first massage since returning to the States. I was all excited earlier this week, because I got an email from my college roommate. She basically fell off the earth five or six years ago. Turns out the Air Force just relocated her from San Antonio, TX to Vacaville, CA. So she’s literally 70 miles away. Utterly deprived of friendship, I was so psyched about reconnecting with someone. She called Tuesday saying she was meeting friends in the city… I couldn’t join because I was working with Mister M. until 9 p.m. that night. Then I left a message and never heard from her again. She’s one of those people who just disappoints over and over again in the friendship category, and yet I always hope the flame will re-kindle. Guess I got my hopes up for no reason. Another weekend of me time. Yippee.