John and I were in L.A. last weekend hanging with his sister Susan, who just turned 30. Susan is the total opposite of me: tall, gorgeous, super fit, ultra stylish, great job, tons of friends, millions of suitors. Sure, she’s single and her dogs aren’t Angels on Earth, but still, she’s happy. And I don’t begrudge her happiness. It’s just that her life is so different from mine. Seriously, we arrived at her apartment, and the entire kitchen counter was covered with b-day gifts, flowers, chocolates… the works. It was as if I had entered The Hills… I mean, who gets all that stuff for her birthday? Well anyway, that was just the beginning.

So Friday morning, she went to work. In the afternoon we braved the Friday get-off-work-early traffic and drove down to San Diego (Del Mar Racetrack) for the horse races. Yup, same racetrack where my buddies Nick and Jessica went (I know, I’m like five years behind… Newlyweds is so over). It was hot as fuck outside, but I enjoyed seeing the horses. Really brought back some childhood memories– as a kid, I was totally obsessed with horses. I practically had the horse section of the World Book Encyclopedia burned into my brain. Anyway, the animals were beautiful– so muscular and lean and gorgeous. Too bad I couldn’t touch them. We bet on a few of the races, and while some of my picks placed, we didn’t win squat.

After an entire afternoon of racing, we stuck around for the Cake concert. John and Susan complained that the sound system sucked and the music was inaudible, but frankly, the volume was just my speed (read: not deafening). Unfortunately, the lawn was packed and stupid fucks stepped into some food and then proceeded to step on my feet. Yes, I wore flip flops so as you can imagine, my toes got slathered with some nasty shit. Felt so disgusting. Then in front of me, a pack of kids kept passing around their pipe. You’d be proud: I didn’t flip out– at least not externally. Internally, I was going ballistic. Seriously, food getting smushed into my toes and then the smell of pot all around me? Ugh! On top of that, I didn’t even recognize any of the damn songs. I know, I’m such a fucking dinosaur.

Thankfully, Susan was annoyed by the low volume. Plus there were some really obnoxious kids surrounding her, so we jetted out early. The evening ended off well with a visit to Melting Pot. Yup, a tub of cheese around 10 pm. Gotta love indulgence.

I was definitely a bit apprehensive about this trip. Originally, I had planned to hang out with my Shanghai buddy Pamela, who was supposed to be in SoCal scoping out Irvine as her next place to live. Unfortunately, her mom-in-law passed away, so her trip got delayed… Totally understandable, but such a bummer for me. I knew ahead of time that things would be a little awkward with me being dorkus maximus and hanging out with cool kid Susan… And Susan is really nice– a wonderful hostess, but you know, she’s a social butterfly. Always has stuff going on. And she and her friends are big drinkers/partiers. Needless to say, there was a lot of boozing. And since I’m a zippo-light drinker, I felt a bit out of place. I know, I’m so socially awkward.

Regardless, John and I did hit the beach. The sun was crazy strong, so we tried not to stay out too long. On Saturday, Susan took us to the Sawdust Art Fair. We drank beer and listened to a really good musician/guitarist. Susan was so sweet: she even requested a song: Over the Rainbow, which we played in our wedding slideshow. Like a true sucker, I cried. Surprise, surprise. But not because of wedding nostalgia: I cried for the obese singer who died… Yup. Issues.

Saturday night we went to dinner with Susan’s friends. After that, we hit a comedy club. Was good. I forget the guy’s name, but he did awesome imitations of Dubya. On Sunday, John and I ate an an awesome little dive brunch spot (Yelp, I love you!). In the afternoon, we caught Superbad. Entertaining.

All in all a very packed weekend. The time off was not relaxing at all. And this Thursday, we’re heading out to Portland. Insane. Yeah, you just try to keep up with us jet setters. Ha!