So you know how I’d been feeling a bit lethargic lately? I was convinced that something was not right, because I was sleeping in on the weekends (god forbid), taking a sick day every quarter, and just feeling tired. So I went to see an FP physician. It had actually been a while since my last visit to an FP, so I opted for the works: tetanus, TB, full blood work. When I reviewed the lab results online, the LDL (bad cholesterol) and total cholesterol were flagged as high or borderline high. I about shit a brick. I mean, seriously, I’m exercising 4-5 times/week, normal BMI, blah, blah, wtf right? So I already start jumping to conclusions and then my doctor friend and my doctor both email me to chill the fuck out. The other numbers and ratios are fine so the verdict? Proceed as usual. Haha, thank goodness. I was about ready to go on the cereal diet and swap over to all that bullshit skim/soy crap. No need now: Bubs and I can remain purists. We like the real budda!

I have been suffering from insomnia again lately. My doctor suggested taking a vitamin B multi at night to calm the nerves (so I will sleep through the night) and CQ10 throughout the day to boost my energy. Guess I’ll give it a try. Anything for superpowers, right?

What else. Oh yes, tomorrow’s the big day with the therapist to discuss my personal “issues.” On my drive home this evening, I started to feel nervous about it. Like how is she going to get to know me? And will my history be relevant, or is this strictly from here on out sort of thing? I do want to clarify something though. All this whatever you call it, expectation hangover, I’m experiencing… I’m not saying that I deserve the best of everything. I know that life is unfair, and just because I work/try for something doesn’t mean what I want is guaranteed. I get that. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting it and from trying for it. Because really, where’s the line between accepting the situation as is and achieving the desired outcome?

For example, a lady at work wants to have a child. She and her husband have been trying for years: this, that, treatment this, treatment that, time, money, energy, physical stresses, emotions. At what point should she simply accept that this is the hand she is dealt? I look at her situation and quickly think to myself, “Enough already.” But then I apply the situation to something that I can identify with. I wanted a job (different from the fuel cell startup) with heart, the opportunity to learn new things, and some stability. I searched and searched. I thought I would be stuck in that miserable predicament forever. Other opps came around but they didn’t really appeal to me. I could have stopped and taken that job at Stanford. But for whatever reason, I held on, hoping and believing there would be something better and more suitable. And fortunately, in the end, I was right.

What’s that quote though, “it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” True except that I’m drawn to the whole “results-oriented” thing. Ugh, I’m getting a headache.

Anyway, I have compiled a document for my session tomorrow. Just quick background about my path, some known issues, and then a description of my personality. Haha, this could get interesting.