Despite me logging EVERYTHING in our shared Google calendar, John forgot that I had the day off tomorrow. So today being Football Sunday, he tried to throw me a bone so that I would leave him alone with the tv. In the morning, he spoiled me with breakfast (his food keeps getting tastier and tastier; meanwhile, I’m having to summon even more self-restraint so I don’t turn into the marshmallow man) and then when we headed off to Costco, he let me buy that monster 14-lb. bag of baking soda and 2 jugs of vinegar I had been eyeing. Yeah, you see, trying to keep me occupied so he can watch his games. And what prompted this recent cleaning streak? No, not stress– you’ll be sorry you asked.
Last week, John went tromping around in our backyard. I have no idea what the hell he was doing out there (certainly NOT cleaning or gardening), but needless to say, he stepped in a pile of fresh Remy shit… and then, he proceeded to tromp around INSIDE the house, oblvious for probably 30 seconds. I was upstairs in the bathroom. All of the sudden, I heard him shouting hysterically. Wtf is going on? I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. When he finally calmed down enough to speak coherently, I came downstairs and saw the damage. Brown footprints all over the tile and cream carpet and goddamnit, that shit stank!
And just my luck,John gets squeamish about the lamest things: poop, pee, and blood. I know, how can he stand to be human, right? That’s all we are! So of course, I had to clean it up, and even though that stuff doesn’t make me squeamish, it’s still disgusting. Ever since then, I’ve been wearing my flip flops inside the house because I don’t want no shit residue on my bare feet, you know? Transferring that crap onto the bedsheets and shit. Ugh.
Anyway, today was the day to disinfect. I’d been talking about steam cleaning the carpets for probably over a year (well before this incident). Today was finally the day. And yippee for us being cheap motherfuckers. DIY. We rented the Rug Doctor machine at Longs. The machine is simple enough to use, but cleaning with that thing is a major workout. The reservoir needs emptying way too frequently, the machine weighs a fucking ton, and the thing is deafeningly loud. Instead of their pricey special solvent, I used a vinegar and hot water mixture, which worked out pretty well. My carpets definitely look brighter. The Rug Doctor even picked up this huge area where I had spilled laundry detergent. Conclusion? Going by the color of the wastewater, John and I are filthy, dirty people. But the good news is, we found a pretty cheap and effective (albeit laborious) option for steam cleaning. Maybe now we won’t drag ass for three years before steamcleaning. I’m just glad I can walk around barefoot again. Hurray for simple pleasures!