As the year draws to a close, I realize once again that my blogging has slacked. My last post was at the start of this month, and now December is practically over. How disappointing. My excuse?

In case you’ve been living under a rock (not following my Google Buzz), my pup Remy fell very ill two weeks before our holiday trip back East– we’re still trying to figure out the cause, but she had vomiting and diarrhea for several days. When we took her to the vet, her bloodwork showed liver stats through the roof. The night I brought her home from the vet’s, I thought she was going to croak. Ugh. I was an absolute mess. Sure, she’s 12, and I’ve been mentally preparing for her passing for a very long time. But still, maybe I will just never ever be ready.

I don’t even know how she made it through the night with her full-body shakes, yellow eyes, and loopy look. I like to credit Linus, my heating blanket. Either way, by morning she looked so much better. It was freaking miraculous!

Then day after day, she got better and stronger, and although the following week things were still kind of touch and go, she willingly took the meds (thank goodness for cream cheese) and she kept her food down.

After she finished that first round of antibiotics, her bloodwork came back better, but stats were still high for the liver tests. The vet suggested a second round of meds while we were travelling, and then a third bloodtest. The dog sitter took good care of her, and today Remy is looking/behaving totally normal. I’ll schedule her third test this week. Maybe it was all just a fluke (and not liver cancer/disease as the vet was suspecting). Fingers crossed.

In other news, I guess we survived the Christmas visit to Maryland. Ugh. I still struggle with this self-imposed stress we call the holidays. Fucking A. Just kill me already. Consumerism, materialism, excess, etiquette, panic… I mean, seriously, is there really time amidst the chaos to reflect on our many blessings? I think not. I am convinced the holidays are the WORST possible time to genuinely feel thankful. I wish we could simplify the holidays, because I’m frickin’ exhausted, and surely I’m not the only one: the brainstorming, the shopping, the wrapping, the socializing, the traveling… every year is more absurd than the next. Please stop the cycle. I want out. NOW.

For my family, it’s a little easier since we don’t celebrate Christmas. But still, there’s always a lot to do with the family of busy bodies.

But in the end, I suppose the most positive take-away from our latest trip is that everyone is healthy: grandparents, parents, siblings, rugrats. Everyone is well, so for that, I am very thankful (especially now that I have returned to the peace and quiet of the houseboat).

Tomorrow is back to work, and new year’s resolutions are a-comin’ right around the corner!

When I get into a funk, I scramble to regain control. Typically, I look for ways to become reinspired or re-motivated. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, but oftentimes, just watching shows like Biggest Loser and What Not to Wear does wonders getting me back in the saddle. The latter show, in particular, appears rather flippant and superficial, but as someone who used to hide away at home because of image issues, I totally understand their pain of not feeling attractive, not feeling pretty, of wanting to hide. And so no matter how often I have watched the show, nearly every episode brings me to tears just thinking about how real the outside-inside connection is. You see it with every episode: By making these physical/superficial changes to hair and clothing, the people transform their attitudes, their self-esteem, everything. Like I mentioned before, these actions give people an entirely new “lease on life.”

So my problem lately has been the slow creep/return of my esteem issues. I don’t feel engaged with people. I don’t feel appreciated or valued. When I have my bad days, I don’t even feel like I have someone to listen. Everyone else is engrossed in his/her own life. And so I focus on regaining control, and these days, my method involves retail therapy.

This is a relatively new thing for me actually. Though I had the makeover a couple years back, I’ve never considered myself a huge shopper simply because I’m too cheap. And TJMaxx and Marshalls can only go so far. But my latest companions are online vendors. I go through new arrivals regularly, order stuff, keep some shit, return other shit… but I’m starting to do this like everyday. Browsing around for stuff. Not always buying but definitely browsing. I’m trying to do my very own little WNTW so that I can transform my life from where it is now.

Today, I noticed the effects of retail therapy most distinctly. A new dress arrived in the mail, and I can truthfully admit that it gave me an extra spring in my step. I suppose in lieu of intimate, human connections, the fantasy of improving my life solo sounds pretty damn appealing. Yes, tomorrow I’ll be wearing my new dress to celebrate a new day.