Hello, hello! Yup, can you believe it? I made it to Spain safe and sound. The journey to Barcelona last Wednesday was a rather long one (SF0-LON-MAD-BCN)– 20 hours door-to-door, but the important thing is that most everything went according to plan. I even managed to bump up my flight (using my broken Spanish) and get into the city an hour or so earlier than expected.

Barcelona is amazing! It’s a rather compact city, so I was able to see plenty in just two days. Plus, everything is very clean, tidy, and public transportation rocks (always a plus in my book). Man, before my trip, I had gotten myself all freaked out about petty theft and such. I hardly saw anything sketchy. I don’t know if maybe the city started becoming more aggressive about combating pickpockets or what, but seriously, I noticed way more sketch in Shanghai. Yes, the morning after I arrived, I procrastinated for a good thirty minutes before working up enough courage to go outside and roam the streets. But once I got out there, it was totally fine… Really, I felt like I had gone way overboard splitting out my money and documents into three separate places, etc.

Now the part of my trip that totally bombed? My fucking shoes. It’s ALWAYS the shoes. Had I known Clarks (Privos!) would fail me yet again (strike 2), I would have just worn my goddamn Sketchers man-shoes. You don’t even want to guess how badly my feet are fucked: mondo blisters (which I punctured at night)… maybe the lesson here is simply that my feet are abnormal. I have no idea what the problem is: maybe my feet are too wide for Clarks? I dunno. I just have deformed stubbs now. It’s a true shame, because I had even painted my toenails. Ah well, I can’t get it all right. So the status now is: I think the shoes are BETTER… granted, I had been wearing them nonstop for 10 days BEFORE the trip started (I probably should have known then, but I was in denial) so they have come a long way. But still… they aren’t the same as my beloved Birks.

But back to Barcelona. I can’t speak much for the food– I went to a few places but eh, not particularly memorable. A bit salty for my taste (I’ve been craving Bub’s food actually). But the city itself is very very nice. Really great architecture, some funky architecture (more creepy, freaky than anything else), and then just a little bit of everything in terms of geography: mountains, beaches, city, parks, marina, and the weather was quite good. I can really soak up that Mediterranean sun.

I arrived at my host family’s flat on Sunday night. I’m staying with a retired couple in their late 50s (but they remind me more of my grandma, who is in her 80s). But it’s very much like staying at a grandmother’s house: they turn off all the lights, the chandeliers are missing most of their bulbs. The bulbs that ARE there are CFLs. The handsoap is majorly watered down… it’s pretty funny. I consider myself pretty conservationist, but uh, grandmothers are a whole other level. Yesterday, the apartment was so dark when I got home that I rammed into an accent table (luckily, nothing was broken) in the hallway. Now I have a monster bruise on the hip. Another student is also staying with the couple. He’s an older Brit who has lived in Germany for three decades. He’s a lively chap– very chatty, and since he knows German and French, he just spews all the words out in trying to communicate with Senor and Senora. I kind of just keep quiet, but I’m trying to talk more. It’s a little intimidating– and a bit unexpected. Anyway, we eat breakfast and dinner (9 pm!) at the house. In between, I kinda just stay on campus or walk around downtown. The days are long that way, but there’s no cell connection or internet at the house (they don’t even own a computer!), so you know me… need to stay connected for as long as I can.

The classes are going really well. At first, I was bummed about not testing out of basic basic, but it’s ok. I’m making good progress. They are not kidding about immersion… it’s full on!

Ok, well the school is closing in about 15 minutes and it’s getting dark outside. I should pack up and get going. I’ll try to update again tomorrow and post some pictures.

Hasta manana!

John turned me on to Dr. Phil recently… Yeah, I know, Oprah gave her seal of approval years ago way before he had his own show; my only explanation is that I’m always about 10 years behind on pop culture. Seriously. Felicity, Sex in the City, Entourage, and many more I’m sure. Anyway, my exposure to Dr. Phil comes at a good time considering that I placed a call to the counseling hotline just this past weekend. In short, I’m fed up with my depressed friends. I don’t know what it is, but I’m like a magnet for miserable people. I’ve tried so many things with so many of them… but as I have been told before, change has to come from them. And I have to stop trying to find the answers.

Long story short, the phone counselor suggested two things: 1) stop the endless research for resources 2) don’t suggest anything 3) ask what they intend to do about their unhappiness 4) try to reconnect in common areas. So 1-3 is actually a different method for me, so I should give it a try. Maybe it’ll be less frustrating, because I won’t feel like I have wasted my energies thinking up options. Number 4 is going to be tough… especially since two decades have passed since we were in the same state. I don’t know what we have in common anymore.

But back to Dr. Phil. He’s pretty direct, and I like that. But in tonight’s episode, I didn’t get his position, backing a 21-year old mother (instead of her own very organized mother) in keeping custody of her 2 kids. The chick had issues: I mean, she dropped out of school, she was hanging with some ex-con dude who chain smoked around her kids, she had horrible relationships with her family even though her parents were raising her kids now… God, she was just a fucking mess. Sure, she deserves a chance to get back on track, but why should her kids have to hang around waiting for her to get her shit together. Either have your shit together or your kids should be cared for under more stable conditions. Anyway,the episode is to be continued, which means I’ll never know what happens.

But Dr. Phil made an interesting comment. He said many of his clients ask, “How do you know who’s a loyal friend?” His answer? Loyal friends come through the door when everyone else leaves. Then he said, you don’t have to agree with everything someone does in order to support them. So now I’m totally confused. Which is which? On one hand, change comes from within, so if someone doesn’t want to change, what can I do? On the other hand, if I feel I’ve done all that I can and I decide to just lie low, am I being disloyal? Ugh. Too much emotional drama.

I should be cramming my Spanish…

Since returning from my trip back East, Spain trip prep has become a full time second job. Seriously. But I think I have all my shit in order, including ATM/Credit cards without international fees (Go Schwab!), a travel adapter, my safety whistle, and gifts for the host family. Most importantly, I’ve whittled my shit down to just one carry-on luggage, which is AMAZINGLY minimalist for me. Three weeks, remember? Yeah, I rock.

This weekend was another packed couple of days. John and I hosted our first annual chilli cook-off. I was convinced ours was near the top of the list, but I dunno, guess our taste buds are totally different from everyone else’s. We were dead last. What a bummer. But the party was still fun, and I got to see a bunch of people whom I hadn’t seen in ages. Then today, we went to a monster pumpkin patch south of HMB– Arata’s. They also had a crazy maze and petting zoo (goats!!) which was cool. Have you ever noticed that goats have the strangest body shape? From map view, they are diamond-shaped because their abdomen area is so oddly bloated. Very weird creatures. The wonky eyes really freak me out actually. They would be cute otherwise… Anyways, we carved our pumpkin. The design was John’s idea (something he had seen on a TED talk or something?) with my handiwork. I thought it turned out pretty adorable.

Eeks, it’s been ages. Busy, busy. Honestly, I don’t know where all my time goes. September ended with a bang (as you know). After receiving endless tweets about cheapo flights to Europe, I finally took the plunge and booked tickets to Spain for a 3-week immersion program in Salamanca (west of Madrid). Leave it to the end of Q3 to push me to action. Yeah, I even finished Gladwell’s book, and it was terrific. I’m ordering the Chinese translation for my parents. Anyhow, for some reason, the book gave me an extra push to do more.

After the thrill of reserving my Spain trip wore off, I got down and dirty with a whole other list of todo’s. In mid-October, I went to visit the family. Got so much shit done in a few days, I felt like a real superstar: took parents to check out Charles Town, WV (casino and horse racing). Checked out Harpers Ferry (neither parent is outdoorsy but boy was dad excited about his $10 lifetime senior’s park pass). Saw the beautiful fall leaves turn along Skyline Drive in Virginia. Met up with my Reston house property manager (was good to put a face to a name). Visited with my college roommie. Lunched with the in-laws. Visited my grandparents. Called a bunch of plumbers regarding a nasty sewage backup at the grandparents’ house (yeah, I have a pretty tough tummy, but I almost hurled!). Researched health insurance options for the gramps. Purchased new tires for my mom… Yup, I was worked to a nub back East. The good news is my family is mostly healthy and well. I also discovered a kickass crab cake at Bonefish Grill (of all places). Super meaty, no filler. Delish.

The trip home was a good reminder/reality check. I just thought about all the things my parents have done for me, and all the things they do for their parents… and I just realized that yeah, it’s a lot of work but I just need to shut up and do it. Because honestly, if all this crap (e.g. health insurance research) is confusing for me, it must be ten times worse for my parents trying to understand all the complicated mumbo jumbo. Plus, I see that they are starting to slow down. Aging just sucks. So anyway, I just try to put things back into perspective. It’s not easy, because I do enjoy my bitch/woe-is-me sessions, but enough is enough. Suck it up and move on.

By the way, I thought my parents were going to flip about me going to Europe alone (without John as my chaperone), but then I realized, as long as I put the educational spin on it, I’m golden. And what do you know, they were totally supportive. My friend Pamela is so right… it’s all about the angle (and the spin).

Ok well I gotta head into work now. Check out my recent pics though.

Traffic was an absolute bitch today. I think it took me about 2 hours to get home, and I was trying to hurry too so that I could book my Spanish immersion program. You see, the school was running a special and well, I wanted to catch it before it ended. And who knows what the cutoff is really, right? I mean, is it September 29 Madrid time, Pennsylvania time (HQ), or my own time? Who the hell knows, so just to be safe, I wanted to get in with some buffer. Of course, after I finally completed the online registration, I realized I hadn’t see the prompt for a promo code, so it was all for fucking nothing. Seriously, I HATE when places run promos and don’t just automatically apply it at checkout. Especially if the promo is pretty widely publicized like all over the homepage anyway… honestly, don’t be a procedural tightass, just apply the discount to everyone who meets the stipulations! Anyway, major pet peeve, and now I have to call them tomorrow to try to negotiate the discount. What a fucking pain.

I swear, my days really can go from superb to shitty in a flash. Yesterday, I was all psyched about this project we’re doing with the Goog. The mainstream news was going to possibly interview me about the partnership. Then, after like 3 hours on site, they never even interviewed me. Nothing was promised but still, they were on OUR lands. What a letdown, because I had really prepared. And it wasn’t really that I was denied my 15 seconds of fame or anything, I just felt like the news dude wasn’t very friendly, wasn’t genuinely interested, and just plain didn’t give a shit about our side of the partnership. But whatever, I got over it by the next day (today). And today went relatively well. Had some good meetings, made good progress on my work but then the drive home turned me into a sourpuss. My eyes were dry, I was starving, the wind was howling, the sun was in my face, and people drove like crap. It was just one thing after another.

Then tonight I tried to calm myself down and watch the Ken Burns series but I just could not get in the mood. I could not sit still. And now it’s almost time for bed. Game over. Gotta wait until tomorrow to start it up again. So frustrating!

I’m back in the saddle again… Thank goodness, because the funk was such a goddamn drag!

Guess it helped that I recently celebrated my 2-year anniversary at work… The job is still rocking my socks off. Boss approved a couple of training requests I had for learning new skills AND he just okayed over THREE WEEKS off in November. I swear, dude is the most lax boss I have ever had. It makes all the difference. So yeah, my lengthy vacay in November is gonna be Spanish Immersion Take 2. Given the cheap airfares to Europe, I upgraded from considering opps in South and Central America to researching programs in Spain. Yup, doing it deluxe. I am still in the process of figuring out which school and which city but at least I have the tickets nailed. This will be my first real solo trip (not to mention my first time to Europe), so I’m a little nervous but also super psyched. Of course, special thanks to John, who is always supportive of my goals. He’s happy to dog sit while I go off on my European jaunt. I just hope I make good progress learning Spanish.

Looks like my New Year’s resolutions are mostly on track. I am supposed to finish reading my 3rd book of the year though (Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers), and I’m getting down to the wire here…

Oh man, I am beat. Today John and I went down to Watsonville to participate on a farm day at our CSA’s farm. We hand-sowed lettuce seeds, milked goats, picked tomatoes, made marinara sauce, baked pizzas, etc. We weren’t even that productive given we were there all damn day, but the sun is so f-ing strong that 8 hours felt like forever. Tomorrow is another busy day. Farm tours in Sonoma County. Gotta hit the sack early. When is John’s infatuation with farm life gonna end??

And I don’t mean the good funk either… I’m in a rut again. This is the first time in a while (I think?), so maybe there’s a hormonal explanation for this (I usually take my pills straight so as to miss the monthly “inclement weather,” but I told myself dreary weather four times a year shouldn’t be so bad. Well, welcome to the next rain!)

I find myself crying just at the thought of a disturbing news story. I come home and I’m suddenly exhausted, so beaten that I change into PJs and crawl into bed. All before 7 p.m. You see, this is not typical behavior for an “administrator” like me. In fact, this is unacceptable behavior and yet, I don’t care. It’s almost as if John and I have temporarily reversed roles. Except that I love my job. It’s just, with the traffic and the horrifying news– day in and day out– of more violence committed against women, I just feel sick. Sick of these people… and to even say “these” as if there really were a “them” vs. “us.” What a load of bullshit: Them = us. They are among us. Ugh, the world is sick, and I am so tired by it.

The story of Annie Le. How many times had I gone to the lab (in a newly constructed “secure” building)– on weekends, at night, early morning… that could have happened to anyone. I can’t stop thinking, wondering about her last moments. Everyday we engage with people: some whom we’ve known for decades, some for years, some for just days. Normally, just because I “know” these people, I assume they are good. I feel safe. That view is so wrong! The world disappoints. Who can be trusted, really? I feel so overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions. Distrust. Disgust. Disappointment. Hopelessness.

Like I recently found this local blogger who’s like living the life, traveling to NZ for 3 months then Europe for 1, going to live shows all the time… I wonder, how the hell is she affording all this (she’s unemployed)? Then I see links to couchsurfing on her blog. Now how the fuck am I going to couchsurf when I’m starting to look at just ordinary people on the street, at the store, with suspicion? The fear is building and however inconvenient, it is paralyzing me. Fuck, am I going to have to go to therapy again? Seriously, annoying, debilitating, bullshit.

Last time, my therapist said I should restrict exposure to things that trouble me. But I want to know what happens in the Jaycee Duggard case. And I want to know what happens with the Yale student autopsy and the suspect in custody. It’s as if knowing what happens offers hope for some resolution or vengeance or SOMEthing, because how can this be? How can people honestly be so fucked up?

Despite me logging EVERYTHING in our shared Google calendar, John forgot that I had the day off tomorrow. So today being Football Sunday, he tried to throw me a bone so that I would leave him alone with the tv. In the morning, he spoiled me with breakfast (his food keeps getting tastier and tastier; meanwhile, I’m having to summon even more self-restraint so I don’t turn into the marshmallow man) and then when we headed off to Costco, he let me buy that monster 14-lb. bag of baking soda and 2 jugs of vinegar I had been eyeing. Yeah, you see, trying to keep me occupied so he can watch his games. And what prompted this recent cleaning streak? No, not stress– you’ll be sorry you asked.

Last week, John went tromping around in our backyard. I have no idea what the hell he was doing out there (certainly NOT cleaning or gardening), but needless to say, he stepped in a pile of fresh Remy shit… and then, he proceeded to tromp around INSIDE the house, oblvious for probably 30 seconds. I was upstairs in the bathroom. All of the sudden, I heard him shouting hysterically. Wtf is going on? I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. When he finally calmed down enough to speak coherently, I came downstairs and saw the damage. Brown footprints all over the tile and cream carpet and goddamnit, that shit stank!

And just my luck,John gets squeamish about the lamest things: poop, pee, and blood. I know, how can he stand to be human, right? That’s all we are! So of course, I had to clean it up, and even though that stuff doesn’t make me squeamish, it’s still disgusting. Ever since then, I’ve been wearing my flip flops inside the house because I don’t want no shit residue on my bare feet, you know? Transferring that crap onto the bedsheets and shit. Ugh.

Anyway, today was the day to disinfect. I’d been talking about steam cleaning the carpets for probably over a year (well before this incident). Today was finally the day. And yippee for us being cheap motherfuckers. DIY. We rented the Rug Doctor machine at Longs. The machine is simple enough to use, but cleaning with that thing is a major workout. The reservoir needs emptying way too frequently, the machine weighs a fucking ton, and the thing is deafeningly loud. Instead of their pricey special solvent, I used a vinegar and hot water mixture, which worked out pretty well. My carpets definitely look brighter. The Rug Doctor even picked up this huge area where I had spilled laundry detergent. Conclusion? Going by the color of the wastewater, John and I are filthy, dirty people. But the good news is, we found a pretty cheap and effective (albeit laborious) option for steam cleaning. Maybe now we won’t drag ass for three years before steamcleaning. I’m just glad I can walk around barefoot again. Hurray for simple pleasures!

Today John and I headed out to Martinez to check out The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, a musical comedy I’ve been wanting to see. Despite having to take a detour, we arrived to town early, grabbed lunch at Marie Callendar’s (key lime pie!), and still scored front row seats!

The play was well worth the drive. And funny thing, they were recruiting members from the audience to participate in the spelling bee, so like the usual dork that I am, I volunteered along with three other girls (all under 21). Surprisingly, I didn’t get overly stressed about being on stage, but I will admit that I started cramming before the play started. Yup, I kept trying to think up tough words. I know, SUCH a nerd. None of it mattered really. My first word: Mexican. My second word was like altagogy (?) or something. Anyway, it was interesting being on stage with the cast who were of course all exaggerated and in character. Then, they would kind of nudge us to stand or sit or move around. I saw Bubbey in the front row just laughing. I was up there for a while too, so I was much relieved when I spelled the second word wrong. Anyway, the play itself was so cute and funny. And the theater? What a gem!! The seating is cabaret style, so you have small round tables, they serve drinks and food… so charming! I was so sad to hear that they might close after 30+ years. Fucking economic downturn. Total drag.

Downtown Martinez itself was pretty dead too. Lots of vacant retail space and just an eerie silence.

On our drive home, John and I swung by the windmill farms in Livermore. It really was ultra windy over there! We hit the local Sonic (I had never been), and John said that would be my ideal second job– waitressing on rollerskates. Haha.

I’m pretty beat now. Got home after 6, fed/walked the pups, hit the hot tub, got all cleaned up. Tomorrow, we’re catching up with a couple of friends from out of town. Who knew so many people actually planned to travel this Labor Day weekend?! I thought everyone would opt for staying home because of all the traffic and road construction.

Oh well, I’m glad John and I will get a chance to catch up with KL and Belques: KL and I used to work at that fuel cell startup, so they used to live in Fremont, then moved to Irvine, and now just recently moved to San Luis Obispo. Always on the move, like every 12-18 months, and now they have a little baby in tow too! But no matter where we are now, we always like to do at least one quick round of trash talking about our former workplace.

In the evening, John and I are going into SF to meet up with my college roomie and her buddy. A few months back, I had told Yova about my fascination with the concepts of speed dating and of improv classes. Well, she actually followed through with both! The former– horrible experience, but the latter– awesome. I’m trying to get John to try improv… could totally be up his alley.

To follow in the same vein (yeah I had to look that one up: was it vane or vein?), we’re gonna hit up Killing My Lobster after dinner. We caught their sketch show a few months back, and it was hilarious, like John had tears in his eyes, it was so funny. Sunday’s show is a new one in a different theater. Can’t wait to see how it pans out.

Either way, I wanna give a shout out to Goldstar for hooking us up with discounted tix. Seriously, I love them! Maybe I should work for them too…