Read this on Lainey Gossip (where I get my Hollywood fix), and it just cracked me up. She’s away on business, so this is her hubby’s update on their dog Marcus:
He’s a lazy f*cker. Came home from his walk and has spent the entire time sprawled out on the bed in one of a number of interesting positions at a time. Oh…and it was really cold, rainy and windy when we went out so he pisses on the first bush he can and starts telling me he wants to go back in. So I make him keep going, he turns the corner onto Blenheim and lays down the longest sh*t I’ve seen come out of the little fucker without breaking in pieces. This is how your dog operates. Then of course he took me down the alley shortcut and back into bed.

My father took to the stand last week, and the good news is, he did very well. Big sigh of relief. I knew he was going to overprepare the shit out of everything (that’s where I get my OCD…) but I was still uneasy about the other circumstances. Thankfully, my father thinks fast on his feet, so it sounds like his testimony was pretty solid. I have to say, I’m very proud of him. That shit is a lot to learn, and lawyers can really confuse the hell out of you with their obtuse questioning and deliberate choice of words. I used to be on mock trial, and obviously, that was just child’s play, but at least I had some level of exposure to the complex (and surprisingly strategic) realm of law. For my dad, it’s mostly just the waiting game now. The case continues all this week but his part is likely done. I’m hoping for the best come Friday.

In other news, I’ve been dubbed the Triple W at work: Wonderful Web Whiz or something geeky like that. For the last month, our organization has not been able to send email to AOL or Comcast users. Something about our domain getting onto a blacklist. Since our IT guy left last month, no one has really taken this up as something requiring attention. In the meantime, I’ve just been growing annoyed with it. Finally, I came up with a workaround in the interim. Gotta give it up for Gmail and its option to send email from another accounts (other domains). I earned crazy props for hooking people up to that feature. 🙂 Yay. Guess I’ll be around a bit longer. 🙂

Truthfully, the job has been loads of fun. I do all this research online for various features and tools and add-ons. We sent out our first HTML email blast last week. Looked pretty good, and the stats are fun to track. I know, I really need to watch myself because the job is starting to feed my already intense obsessions. Ah well, not to worry too much. I’m having a grand time.

This weekend Tina and I went to the GreenFestival. You will recall that last year I volunteered and got stuck in the veal box for four hours. This year, I decided to splurge the $10 for admission. Tina, as my newest activity buddy and friend, joined. And I think John was glad, because he has no stamina for events like that: large crowds, earthy/granola folks, vegetarian/vegan-only food options, etc. He’s progressive but not really. 🙂 Anyway, we had a blast stopping at some of the booths and chatting with the vendors. We picked up loads of free literature (to share). I have big plans for Tina and her hubby Josh. Game nights, BBQs, and finally, peeps to join my Costco Co-op. There’s also this organic food delivery service that I’ve been meaning to try but was worried because 1) it’s pricey and 2) we don’t consume THAT much fresh veggies and fruit. So now, we can split the cost and have a better chance of consuming all of it. I know, I’m a dork but seriously, these things get me all excited.

So the other cool thing about Saturday, is that I learned more about Tina. As I said before, she’s a landscape architect, but as she explained it, that’s a sub-specialty under space planning. I mean, who the hell even knew “space planning” was a subject or career, you know? But the point is, I went to her house and it was amazing: the decoration, the organization… I was totally blown away. I mean, I guess certain people have a knack for that– John’s sisters for example are phenomenal with it– but with Tina it’s sort of educational because she kind of explains why things work with the layout, positioning, contrasting, and texturing. She kind of makes it more scientific for me. I dunno, it just seems to make a little more sense. So John and I don’t care enough to be in Architectural Digest or anything, but a few tips here and there might improve the ambiance at home. I love having friends who know stuff; I learn so much from them.

So anyway, after the festival, Tina surveyed our home. I defended our Maker Faire bed (propped up on the Rubbermaid totes) and she agrees as long as I use a bedskirt… ha, ha, baby steps.

Unfortunately, coinciding with my new home project, is a slide in my style/dress department. How did this happen? I don’t know. I think it’s the whole chaos/disorder argument. If left to my own devices, my personal style deteriorates into chaos, hodge-podge. Plus, I’m sure working for a granola organization doesn’t help… It’s not good because the other night, John and Tina both arrived at the same conclusion (separately): my style, they say, is TJMaxx. Yup. Pretty bad. Might as well be Garage Sale. And now John keeps singing that stupid TJMaxx jingle. I’m rather exasperated. How can I keep up with trying to become the person I want to be? Active, outdoorsy, educated, aware, activist, stylish, organized, involved… Sigh. Oh well. Guess that’s why I got a job that allows me to have free time: I’m a continual work in progress. Thank goodness Pamela is moving to SoCal at the end of this year! I’m so pscyhed to have another dear friend in my neck of the woods. Just a hop, skip, and a jump away. It’s gonna be awesome.

You can never be too smug… here I was patting myself on the back for finally kicking my butt into gear. For once I was actually beginning to feel… dare I say it, happy even. Great job, decent commute, stable home life, fun activity calendar… Remy was all recovered, Bubbey was on the upswing… things were good.

Then I called my dad this evening. He’s involved in a medical malpractice case, and jury selection was today. Already, I had been a little worried about him having to testify, especially with English as his foreign language and all. Then he said his own attorney was extremely disappointed: the chosen jury was the worst he’d seen in his three decades practicing law. Ouch.

What was so bad about the chosen ones? Gender, education, and socio-economic status. I don’t really want to get into how those factors may or may not influence analysis and judgment, but I assume from a statistical viewpoint his attorney has a strong sense for how the votes will sway.

Based on my father’s take, he did the best he could. Among other things, she’s claiming disability. The surveillance tape shows otherwise but I’ll leave it at that. Obviously, I’m biased. But still, my father was, by many accounts outside of mine, the best OB/GYN in town. I trust that if there is a right and wrong here, he’s right and she’s wrong. But anyway, the whole thing just disturbs me.

You see, had he broken the news to me five, maybe ten years ago, I wouldn’t have even flinched. I would have completely trusted the system. I would have believed that whatever the outcome, the ruling would be fair and just. How quickly the world killed that naivety. I know better now. And so I worry. Not because of what my father will say in trial but rather what the jurors will hear. English is my native language; yet, I still cannot understand any film where English is spoken with the slightest British or Scottish or Irish accent. My father still has a strong accent: how the hell will people understand him? Even Bubbey, who has communicated with my parents regularly, frequently misses my father’s comments. Sometimes the dialog passes so quickly, it’s not even worth asking for a repeat. And this is what I fear: people won’t understand, and after a while, they’ll stop trying to understand. And then the case reduces to an English-speaking defendant vs. an incoherent foreigner. Ugh, the very thought pains me. I wish I could protect him. It’s not just about money, pride, and respect. There are so many deeper issues to consider: racism, prejudice, inequality, injustice. What is fair? What is just?

This evening as I bemoaned all of this, John revealed that he didn’t even return a call to report for jury duty. WTF??? I was pissed. First because he lied to me: he specifically told me he had called and the City said his services weren’t needed. Second, this was his civil duty. If I were involved in a case, I’d want someone like him to review the facts and make a decision. So ticked off.

Maybe I’m just being cynical about my father’s case. Maybe his attorney is wrong. Maybe the jurors will take this seriously and weigh their decisions carefully. Maybe I’m just working myself up for no reason.

I experienced my second earthquake this evening. And of course, John wasn’t around. I called his cell a couple hours after it happened, and he hadn’t even heard about it. Then again, he and his bud were in the movie theater where the volume was cranked up.

And this one was a pretty sizable one too: 5.6 on the scale. It happened around San Jose, which is maybe 25 minutes south of here. Nothing in the house fell or broke, but the dogs, or Remy rather, was definitely freaked out. And I think I read the best description of the experience online. A lady in the area said it felt like the house was on a boat. And that’s exactly right. I was on the couch, and as I looked at the foyer light, I could see the walls shaking, and the couch had its own vibration. Very weird.

The first one I experienced months ago at work in Fremont. It also occurred around 8pm. But the epicenter was in Lafayette or some town I had never heard of. I thought it was the AC system kicking on. Nope. Earthquake too. But only a 4 on the Richter scale.

It’s sort of weird thinking about natural disasters, and where we are when they strike. Would suck not to have my Bubbey with me. I’d probably drop off into the crevice. Ugh, I know. I’m morbid that way. Sorry.

So tomorrow’s Halloween. My office is throwing a Halloween party at lunch. There’s also a costume contest as well as a pumpkin carving contest. I’m still trying to get over the fact that they are sanctioning such frivolous activities. No, I’m not going to dress up. Come on, you should know better than to even wonder. I’m an old geezer. I don’t have that kind of creativity or zest. They’re lucky I’m taking cheese and crackers for the potluck. Hey, all this fun crap is new. Plus, don’t I get bonus points for taking a horseradish cheddar? That’s right. Ain’t just any old pedestrian cheese. Ha, ha. Should be a good time.

I’m starting to develop a shopping habit. I suppose it’s part of my quest for a new look to complement the new job… not really, but instinctively, I’ve started moving towards a different style. Yes, it started with the Birkie clogs. Then, I started acquiring waffle shirts and cargo pants to wear with my puffy vest. I know, am I disgusting you yet?

Two weeks ago, I found myself browsing on Sierra Trading Post, a sort of REI for cheapies. It was late at night, and my web surfing– research, shopping, bill tracking– just fueled my insomnia.

I must have sat in front of the computer for hours. And without the warmth of my bed and blankets, my feet were ice cold. As I surfed through the gear at STP, I decided a pair of cozy sheepskin boots were just the ticket. Click, click, click and I got myself a pair for 20% off. Seconds later, I was eyeing a pair of dirt cheap rock climbing shoes (I swear I have ADD!). Nevermind that I haven’t even started my class (slated now for November 14)… Regardless, I wanted them.

So, I got the boots and the shoes. The boots are crazy ass warm, but having had zippo experience with sheepskin goods, I made the mistake of getting my usual size instead of going a size smaller. Serves me right: they are too fucking big. But I’m too lazy to hassle with returning and exchanging and blah, blah. So now I’m clomping around like a freaking Clydesdale. To make matters worse, I have no clue how to wear them. And just my luck, a quick search online reveals that these suckers are a very controversial fashion item. Who knew? I guess I’ve been living under a rock. Just like my experience with Sex and the City. I only came to love it two years after it went off air. Always behind the times.

So the boots are rather complicated. The short skirt look is cute but given the controversy, I think I’d get egged for pairing cold weather footwear with warm weather bottoms. People can’t stand the hypocrisy (although I did read that sheepskin warms in the winter and cools in the summer…). Then there’s the tuck-in look which I can’t seem to swing, because my jeans are flared rather than skinny. Finally, there’s the cuffing option. See? I really am the wrong person to be owning these!

I just need to remind myself that I am over 30, and that in itself is license to be frumpy. Ha. I wore the boots to work today, with the jeans pulled over. My feet were extremely happy, and I didn’t even need to turn on the mini heater in my cube. But Jesus, I sure was clunking up and down the halls. I’m a freak.

As for the rock climbing shoes, people say they are supposed to be tight. But these jokers are cutting off my circulation! I’m going to try breaking them in by wearing them around the house with thick socks. I know, what a pain in the ass. Seriously, footwear is a bitch. It really doesn’t matter the cost or brand or material: every goddamn purchase is a shot in the dark. Even when I try them on at the store and walk around for 10 minutes– there’s no guarantee. Ugh. I want to throw all my shoes out. All except for my beloved Birks. I hate shoes. I’m cutting myself off… starting now. The affair is over.

I returned from San Diego last Thursday. Had a good time with my buddy Nathalie, despite the fires. Yes, it was pretty surreal being a tourist amidst the natural disasters. Oddly, downtown operated almost as normal, save for a few shops that had shut down. The smoke, as you can see from the pictures, was uncomfortably close and after two days walking outdoors, I definitely felt the effects.

Surprisingly, the zoo was still open on Wednesday, so Nathalie and I braved the poor air quality. We had a nice visit and in fact, we wandered about the zoo all day. Honestly, I have mild ADD, and I probably could have left after a few hours, but since Nat is a vet, she had to see EVERY exhibit. We were there from 10am to 4pm!

But the zoo was very impressive. Now that I work for the Open Space peeps, I pay particular attention to signs, navigation, and overall information communication. It’s really kind of fascinating. The zoo was extremely navigable: there were easy paths for weaker folks and handicap access and then there were more challenging paths for others. And it was cool reading some of the displays… seeing what bits of information the zoo considered critical and then getting a sense for how they wanted to promote education, awareness, and action.

My favorite exhibit? The hippos. I know, hippos aren’t exactly known for their sunny disposition, but they are so cute! Their swimming pond jutted right up against the viewing glass, so luckily, we saw two of them up close. They really are massive beasts. 1500 lbs or something insane like that.

We also saw a 2-day old baby giant anteater– an odd looking critter but interesting all the same. Man, the zoo people. Crack me up. They totally reminded me of my coworkers. So into it. For example, when we got ready to board the zoo bus, the driver urged everyone to stop by and see the baby anteater first before getting on the bus and heading out of that area. Nat and I had already seen it, but no one heeded her advice. What did she do? As soon as everyone got on the bus, she got on the loudspeaker: “Normally the bus isn’t supposed to deviate off its route or schedule, but the baby anteater really is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I’m going to drive you by the exhibit.” Yeah. Hard core. But I was happy to see her enthusiasm. All zoo employees should get psyched about that stuff.

I guess I was a bit of a zoo wannabe that day. I wore my big floppy hat. I didn’t see what the big deal was, but Nat and her friend clearly didn’t approve. They asked, “What’s the deal with the hat?” As if I were trying to be funny or something. Ah well. Didn’t bug me. I freckle like crazy, and if I were in Shanghai, I’d be carrying an umbrella. So sue me! 😉

But I got a good chuckle with it later that day: a couple came up to me asking for directions to the panda exhibit. Uh sorry, I don’t work here. I guess John’s right: it really is a ranger hat. Now he calls me the Zookeeper.

Now to really fit in with my new coworkers, I gotta get myself a scat book. Yup, our natural resources manager really does own one. No games, I tell you.

Remy was back at the vet’s office this past weekend… poor pooch. She’s been licking her wee wee for several months now. I know, I shouldn’t be such a damn neglectful parent. Honestly, I expected the irritation to heal on its own. But when I checked the sensitive region on Friday, I saw the area was all black and nasty and she had three lesions. Bubbey was his usual queasy-ass self—he couldn’t even look.

So long story short, the vet squeezed us in on Saturday morning. Reading through my books, I suspected Rem had vaginitis, but the doctor said it was a para-vaginal infection. He said the condition is common in overweight dogs, which Remy is not. But basically bacteria get in there and proliferate when there’s a lot of moisture. Anatomically, Remy’s built such that the area just doesn’t air out well, so when she urinates or licks, it doesn’t dry. Her dense fur especially around the rump doesn’t help either. So the first line of treatment is easy: oral antibiotics plus topical cream. If that doesn’t work, a vaginal “facelift” is in order. Ugh. It sounds too much like FGM (female genital mutilation). I’ll pat her area dry by hand every day if that’s what I have to do. Surgery sounds far too extreme.

Luckily, when I checked her today, the skin had already cleared up considerably. I’m doubly glad, because I’m on my way to San Diego to meet up with Nathalie for a few days. And with John in charge, the maintenance has to be as low as possible. I already told him he has to get over his willies and just go in there to slop on the cream. John refused to demo while I was home, so I’ll just have to trust that he’ll do it. I left him a bunch of q-tips. Silly wuss.

Other than that, Rems is well. She and Martin are shedding like crazy now that winter is coming on. Two weekends ago, the dogs woke us up in the middle of the night after they heard all this clamoring in the yard. All of us went out on the deck and a staredown ensued between Martin and a pair of adult raccoons. Big fearless critters. They didn’t even flinch. I got worried and ordered everyone back inside. I think the dogs were a bit scared too, because they didn’t bark or growl. They were quiet yet alert and cautious.

The following day on my ranger ride-along, I learned that raccoons are extremely intelligent. Not only that, they have opposable thumbs and are ultra dexterous. Wtf? Apparently, backpackers and campers are always complaining to the rangers about raccoons getting into their stashed/secured/hidden foods. Somehow the coons always manage to lift, twist, push, and seize the goodies. Animals. They really are amazing.

In other news, the job continues to kick. Boss is out on a four-week vacation, and I’m so fricking conditioned, I keep expecting him to call me from Thailand.

I’m enjoying my current projects though. I finally settled on an email list service and now I’m tweaking some templates for an e-newsletter. We’re also planning to launch an online store before the holidays. I had a minor issue last week with the vendor… The VP of Ops, an old scraggly grinch, copped an attitude. Not sure if it was because I was new or if the project had just lagged for far too long, but that was fun to handle. Thankfully, my boss had my back and with some strategic comments from our web consultant, the client-contractor dialog was put back into the proper place. My web consultant rocks btw. I think we may even become friends outside of work. How cool is that?

Speaking of friends, it’s amazing how much a low-stress job boosts quality of life. I’ve made a new buddy at work. Tina is also from San Mateo and she started on the same day as I. We totally click and it’s great, because now she’s my carpool buddy. And we’re taking the place up by storm. Ok, not really but we’re signing up for all kinds of activities together—rollerblading, the upcoming GreenFestivals, and rockclimbing. John is thrilled, because now he can finally have some peace for his own “self care” activities.

His primary me time activity? TV. And he just got an Onkyo sound system this weekend, so it’s 24-7 HD football, HBO, and Nat Geo. Surprisingly, John’s really getting into the nature shows, and I have a feeling I have a budding naturalist in the house. He’s always telling me about pythons and gators and their brute force of xyz psi. Then on Sunday, he dragged me hiking in Purisima Creek. From the get go, I tried to manage expectations: 1.5 hours and that’s it. Well guess what? We were on the fucking trail for 3+ hours. Up and down, up and down. He took me on a brutal hike, and today I am the sorest I’ve been in a long time, and that’s counting riding and skating. “The Ridge Trail Cruzathon was no fluke,” he kept saying. Sigh. Someone please help me.

Well I’m psyched about my short little trip to San Diego. I certainly have a knack for entering danger zones. First, John and I were in Thailand during the tsunami. Then we were in L.A. during the landslides. Then we flew into Miami days after Hurricane Rita. Now I’m flying into San Diego after a quarter million people evacuated their homes in northern SD County due to fires. I don’t know why I keep pressing my luck.

Sheesh, who knew my work with Big Blue would ever pick up again? Seriously, in the last year since I’ve been back, I’ve done maybe 2-3 hours of recording every 2-3 months. Nothing major. But now? Hell, the client LOVES my voice, or so my project manager proclaims. This past week alone, I’ve logged in nearly 10 hours of recording. I’m recording so much my FTP site is maxed out and my voice is sore. But the best news is, with the latest currency conversion, I’m making super schweet dough. Hehe, more massages for me!

So that explains my recent silence. That plus activities with work. Last week, as part of my new employee orientation, I went on an all-day ranger ride-along. Yup, Tina (my coworker and new buddy) and I rode all day in a big truck with Jen, a female ranger. We got our butts up at 5:30 in the morning, but we had a grand time. Hit a bunch of preserves that day, and Jen even took us off-roading. I totally underestimated the power of a Ford 4×4. She got that thing up a massive incline. I swore it was like 60 degrees, though my engineering buddies don’t believe it. They insist 45 is max. Whatever, the slope was crazy steep. We fishtailed and everything!

But the ride-along itself was awesome. And the weather was gorgeous. We climbed to the top deck of an observation tower (one of our properties is a former Air Force base) and looked out on the sprawling city of San Jose and all the mountains surrounding. We even lucked out and caught two golden eagles on top of the mountain. I’ll try to get some pictures from Tina’s cam.

So since our agency owns 55,000+ acres, all newbies actually have to attend two ranger ride-alongs. Tomorrow is my second one. And we’ll spend all day hitting the preserves on the northern part of the peninsula. We’ve gotten a good bit of rain the last week, so I just hope we stay warm and dry.

In other news, I rode an ex-Western show horse last week at lesson. Hobbs was fuckin’ kickass gorgeous. A huge, handsome chestnut horse. But my god, he was a total bitch to ride. Stubborn as hell, and boy did he make me kick. I kicked so much I thought my legs were going to fall off. Every time he finally got up to speed, the instructor had me slow him to a walk again and then he’d take for frickin’ ever to get back up to a jog. The entire lesson was like hot/cold/hot/cold. And shit, once he got running, he gave me a goddamn beatdown. My boots fell out of the stirrups, and I was flailing around out of control. It took all the energy in the world for me to clamp my legs around his big barrel of a body so I wouldn’t fall right out of the damn saddle. The whole time I kept hearing my father exclaiming, “Christopher Reeves, Christopher Reeves.” Shit. And I thought I was ready for group lessons. Hobbs put me in my place. Looks like I have another four or so more lessons (the instructor diplomatically explained that it’s just a matter of getting in my “saddle time”) before I can join the group. Bummer. I want so badly to ride like a cowgirl!! Full speed ahead with my lasso! Ah well, there’s always next year for New Year’s resolutions.

Just a quickie: the other day I got a comment from Megan inquiring about importing pets to Shanghai. I stopped updating Starpups a long, long time ago (July 2006), but I would advise anyone seeking more information about pet relocation to visit Second Chance Animal Aid, a charity based in Shanghai. Additionally, this article on pet quarantine may be helpful, but again, since the regs change so frequently, call around for the latest and greatest. Good luck!

I am so done with the activity groups. I know, I shared my disappointment before, but that was a year ago. Surely, things should have changed since then, right? Nope. I was so stoked about this upcoming rock climbing class offered through San Mateo Parks and Rec. Class was slated to start Monday. Yesterday, I got my check returned in the mail: class is canceled. Fuck. Now I’ll have to fork over double the price to take it directly through the gym. Sucks. But yes, not the end of the world.

Second recent disappointment? I was so excited about the Wednesday skate night at Stanford. Checked it out with a friend last week. The description says ALL levels, but shit, when we showed up, the peeps had racing skates on. To make matters worse, as we waited, a few guys went for a few laps around the parking lot. Holy shit. Blazing fast. I just wanted to do an informal, fun skate night. I wasn’t looking to eat the dust of Apollo Ono and company. Fucking A. My bud and I just went off on our own and skated. Screw that.

Near the end of the night, we got into a minor collision. I fell on top of her after both of us found ourselves face to face with a dude on a bike. We didn’t know who was going where, and then both of us lost our balance and fell right in front of him. What did he do? He swerved around, looked back at our mound, muttered something, and rode off. Inconsiderate, elitist bastard! Seriously, would a short little, “Are you okay?” have killed him? What a total dick.