My buddy Dave’s parents are both social workers. As I have always had a fascination with Myers-Briggs, I asked him to hook me up with a stack of approved, legit tests. Voila! Of course, as soon as I received the link, I spent 90 minutes taking answering hundreds of questions.

Perhaps I view these as an opportunity to be someone I’m not. Maybe I dream that my personality will be cool and inventive and artistic and dreamy. Nope. Test after test, I am who I am. Yeah, kind of a drag. On the bright side, I suppose it’s not a bad thing to be reliable and organized. Ah well, grain of salt they say.

Bubs and I had our 13-year anniversary last last Sunday (the day after my big work event). We had a lovely celebration. In the morning, I received another adorable puppy card (baby long-haired dachshund) to add to my collection. Then, we went for a swim and headed out to the city for Julie & Julia. Of course on the way there, a lunch pitstop at In N Out was in order. John recently finished a book about the history of In N Out. He said the family side of the story is actually rather sad, but the success of the business and its continuing commitment to quality? No convincing needed. John is easily a believer.

I have to say, the burger is delicious. But one recent lesson? 2 burgers + 2 fries for 2 people is too much. Like “food coma” too much. So next time, it’s 2 burgers + splitting 1 order of fries. And the shake is totally out of the question. Unless it’s consumed in moderation. Haha. Always need some kind of a loophole!

Anyhow, with our bellies beyond full, we headed into SF. Cruised around the mall (of course) for about 5 minutes. Truthfully, I’m starting to get sick of shopping. I mean, certainly one of the secrets to keeping my wardrobe current is that I shop– or browse– often. Gotta collect those data points, you know? But lately, the merchandise has just been crap. Like I go, spend 10 minutes and then fall totally out of the mood. I dunno what the deal is. At least it all worked out without much time to kill before the movie!

So Julie & Julia was wonderful. I really enjoyed it. I dunno what the critics were saying about the modern character, calling her a whiner and shit. Whatever. I’m sure had the character been male, that term would never have been applied. Whatever. Julie’s this contemporary government bee doing the daily drill in a thankless job in an expensive city. I mean seriously, there are probably millions of people who can relate to this character! (not me though, I love my job, remember?) Regardless, the acting was superb (none of the usual bullshit, unconvincing eyecandy that’s drowning the industry) and what a fascinating story between Julia and Paul Child? How refreshing to see a beautiful, supportive, healthy partnership. And such constancy!

Which kinda gets me thinking…

of so many relationships that have changed over time. In general, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really “break up” with people. Like I still maintain ties, albeit some looser than others, with my grade school classmates, my college friends, grad school peeps, first job coworkers, second job coworkers, Shanghai buds… if I really stop to think about it, that’s a lot of contacts. I suppose I’m pretty decent at keeping in touch too: I remember numbers, dates, experiences; I put stuff in my calendar… but lately, I’ve been feeling like it’s all too much. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe I do act a little desperate.

Maybe part of the problem is my long memory. I remember connections, no matter how far back they date, and I’m probably a little naive in my persistence. For example, how many times do I make yet another effort after many previous ones have gone unanswered. Haha, I’m not saying everyone should want to be my friend. It’s not so elitist really. Rather, I think this is about letting go and moving on.

Remember the great moments of friendship but at some point, realize that the friendship was what it was: perhaps some were meant to last a moment or a season or a year (or two) or a lifetime. Learn to tell the difference, because ultimately, time is precious for all of us.

I have this tendency to follow up and check up and see how things are going. Maybe deep down, it’s some way of drawing out an old fond memory. Maybe it’s just a way to satisfy my “busy bee” nosiness. Whatever it is, I’m coming to see that all of this “keeping tabs” actually consumes energy, and though this may sound harsh, maybe this expenditure is not efficient or sensible. People are busy. I get that. In fact, I try to stay as busy as fucking possible, because I love seeing my Google calendar chock full of events. But again, time is finite, and I want to start spending my time in a way that really means something.

So now everyone is probably wondering: which relationships is she alluding to here? Who is she done with? Sure, there are some people who come to mind, but really this is a broader shift for me. This is me realizing that I’m going to stop trying so hard. Now sure, some things are worth fighting hard for… (John and I had a really difficult time last year but after hanging tough, we made it out of the woods). But not ALL things deserve that much effort. So that’s where I am. No more me initiating calls, repeatedly calling, or coordinating get-togethers of people from back in the day. The day is now. I’m grateful for the wonderful friendships and experiences and connections in the past, but moving forward, friendship is mutual and perhaps not always constant.

Why do I always have skin issues? Last Saturday, at the work event, I managed to do something to my upper left arm and today (three days later), it still had a huge red rash. Paranoid that a deer tick might have biten me, I went to HR who referred me immediately to the medical clinic. Btw, what kind of doctor is totally stylin’ in pinstripe slacks, elaborate dangly earrings, and sunglasses on the head? She was gorgeous! And no white coat or gloves?! Anyway, she didn’t think the rash was caused by an insect bite but rather she suspected some kind of puncture wound that just got infected. Her answer? A large syringe with about 3 cc of antibiotics shot into my right ass check. That’s right. Ass shot and it frickin hurt. Plus oral antibiotics plus antibiotic cream. Sounds like overkill to me, but what do I know? I just hope it goes away soon.

OMG, are you serious? Labor Day is right around the fucking corner? Well, it’s been another busy month– yeah, my main problem? I’m work-obsessed. Of course, I could be much worse, but I dunno, for some reason that part of the brain just never truly shuts off. My coworker who has seen web updates and work emails from me at all hours of the night, insists that I have a row of different colored light bulbs above my bed. Anytime I receive an email reporting some issue from a specific department, its corresponding light flashes and I immediately awake to handle the issue. Yup, my work is uber important. Like I said, saving lives over here.

The good news is I enjoy my work (still), so I guess that means I don’t mind processing emails as I get them (rather than wait until office hours). Good thing, right? Anyway, August is a busy month at work. We just released our Annual Report newsletter, and I launched our 2nd annual photo contest. Also, we have some projects on fast track with the Goog as well as some upcoming video projects. Ugh, just so much to do. And because it’s the web and people see cool web stuff all the damn time, I feel this extra pressure to keep having a wow factor. I know, not sustainable with a one-person web team but still.

I’m also continuing to make good contacts at work, which helps with moving projects along. I feel like all that social anxiety crap I worked through in Shanghai really paid off. I’ve developed some really helpful connections with contractors for work projects, so that makes things so much easier. Once I find the superstars, things aren’t so bad. Although, I will say, my developers never seem to want to get paid. They cannot provide detailed invoices to save their lives. I have yet to figure out what that is about. Meanwhile, I continue doing what I do naturally– I ride ass every few days. Eventually, they have to give in.

In other work-related news, we had our annual recognition event last Saturday. Every year our department organizes a huge party with pre-event activities, an awards program, gift baskets, catered food, booze… it’s huge and very stressful and quite laborious. Anyway, it went really well, so big sigh of relief. On to the next gabillion events put on by my department (public affairs). Yes, putting on the ritz is actually exhausting.

Outside of work, John and I recently discovered that he should be able to qualify for unemployment, so that’s wonderful news for us. We’re doing really well with budgeting, but the extra money will give us a bit more breathing room. Seriously though, we’re educated folks. Why didn’t we know about unemployment before? Damn system. It’s just like the taxes. When you don’t know about stuff, you can really lose out. That’s probably the reason my parents are always “suggesting” that I go to law school. Then, at least I’ll be in the know.

John is doing well. He’s been focusing the bulk of his energies on exercising (he’s at his lowest weight since moving over here in 2006!), gardening, and cooking. He’s intermittently programming, but it seems his true interests lie with food sourcing and cooking… we’ll see what happens.

Btw, I realized the other day that I haven’t cooked in like three months. Uh oh, becoming too dependent. Time to break out the Rachel Ray and Cooking Light. Can’t get too soft you know.

On my day off, we headed north to Point Reyes. Lots of open lands. John’s camera even made a rare appearance outdoors. The main highlight? We saw lots of elk, including ones with massive antlers, but I was too obsessed watching John get closer and closer to the herd. I think he made all of us nervous. Anyway, Point Reyes is a nice and quiet place, but I’d recommend saving the trip for a hot summer day.

My parents were in town this past week… to be honest, I was kinda dreading the visit: we’re not really known for getting along and under those circumstances, six days is a really long time. In the days before their arrival, I was innundated planning where to go, what to do, what to eat… John and I live in a 2 BR townhouse/rental where one room is the office. So, when the parents come over, that means we sleep on the foam mattress wedged between our two desks. I actually think sleeping on the floor is better for my back and I seem to sleep quite well, but John does not, especially without his usual mountain of pillows.

Anyway, the visit turned out much better than expected. For a few nights, John and I made dinner– not fresh seafood like my parents typically eat, but whatever, I (and they) was just thankful my stuff was edible. Mind you, we still hit two Asian markets in six days, and they loaded up on stuff as if our fridge were totally barren but it all worked out.

We took them to various attractions in the area: Monterey Aquarium, Filoli House and Garden, Pulgas Water Temple, College of San Mateo Farmer’s Market, SF Botanical Gardens, Conservatory of Flowers, SF Chinatown, Fisherman’s Wharf… Thankfully, they are still in great shape, so we did a lot of walking without too much trouble. Also, the weather was beautiful and for every outing, I was uber prepared: I made sure to pack a lunch box full of water, fruit, and snacks. Plus, because of the drastic temperature differences in the area, I also packed extra jackets, umbrellas (for the sun), etc.

Before you know it, the visit was over. Not too shabby. In fact, I even think we could do it again! 🙂

I quit ushering for the local community theater down the street from here. I had seen productions there in the past that I enjoyed, but for the most part, the caliber was really hit or miss. In the past few months, I had ushered 2-3 events, and my god, the volunteer experience was boring as hell, the other ushers were weird and not that social, and ultimately, the white top/black bottoms catering uniform drove me insane!! So I quit and instead decided to volunteer with the more upscale theater near my work.

They had some crazy 2-hour orientation even. And when I attended and saw so many blue-hairs, I grew skeptical that this would be a repeat crap experience. Last night, I dared to give it a try. Hey, at least the uniform was just all black (yes, much more doable). And turns out, there were a couple young people in my group. And the production? Fantastic. All I had to do was operate the bar code scanner gun (yup, really hard work) to zap the tickets before people entered the theater and then at the end, we just walked through the aisles picking up programs. Not hard at all and then I get to watch the show, whose tickets run about $45-50 pp! Not a bad deal.

Next month, they’re having a new works festival. I’m going to usher a staged reading that’s a psychological thriller… should be interesting to watch without the costumes, props, and stage dec. I just hope I don’t get too creeped out!

Last weekend, I drove down to San Luis Obispo to meet up with my friend’s mother. I honestly cannot remember the last time I drove alone in a vehicle for more than 3 hours. The last time I did that was probably grad school. I know, I really need to get out more, right?

So anyway, my friend’s mom had flown out to Los Angeles a few days earlier to visit friends. She drove up to meet me halfway. We stayed at a delightful B&B on the main drag, and the next day we went to Hearst Castle. San Luis Obispo itself was a very cute little college town, but so many of those small towns heading south start to blend into one another. Still, regardless, you gotta love the California weather. It’s so beautiful out here. The dryness plus the sunshine makes traveling/driving/outdoor activities so much better! It really is amazing what a difference the sun makes.

The next day, we woke up, had a terrific breakfast at the B&B, and then headed out early. Hearst Castle in San Simeon was awesome. I guess for the last 50 years, HC has been managed and operated by California State Parks. We grabbed a tour, and boy, docent was excellent– well versed, engaging, and knowledgeable. The tour was pricey at $24 pp but totally worth it, even if the house interiors are grossly extravagant. Interestingly, William R. Hearst was an uber micro-manager. Dunno how he juggled publishing, movie producing, and construction/design but he did. Gotta give props. Seriously, who are these people?

Haha, well looks like I’ve graduated from therapy again. Yup, only took four sessions, not that I was averse to continuing, but she just ran out of stuff for me. Partly, I was finally just calm, meaning I wasn’t flipping out about my expectation hangups or whatever, and I had settled on the status quo for the whole boss fiasco. Whatever. I just need to chill, so that’s what I did. And then suddenly, it seemed there wasn’t much more to discuss. So the door is always open she says, but oddly, I feel ok for now… which reminds me: I’m supposed to fill out some feedback card and mail it in.

In other news, this month has been extremely busy at work. We’re having our huge annual event at the end of August, so I’ve been gathering quotes for catering and such. Negotiated an awesome deal with last year’s vendors. I think I’m getting the hang of the negotiations game… they only increased the price by $1pp plus I got them to throw in a bunch of other free stuff. Cool deal, because honestly, without the concessions, we would have had to go elsewhere I’m sure. Budgets are tight this year for sure!

The weekends this month have been packed as well. Two weekends ago, my friend had a puppy bday party, which was totally fun. My friend is a super star decorator, so of course her backyard was an absolute doggie paradise with a mini pool and jumping hoop. Nine dogs total and it was a blast, except that it seems wherever Martin goes, there’s always one male dog that loves to lick his area. Yup, poor Marty never gets rest.

Ugh, I just got home from session 3, and goddamnit, I’m starting to hate this bullshit. Seriously, this is the third time I’ve left that place feeling worse than when I entered. I mean, who the hell thought up 50-minute sessions? Cannot accomplish shit in that amount of time. I’m so frustrated, I think I’m going to drop the whole thing.

I mean, I just feel like we’re moving at a snail’s pace. Granted, how much can you really know a person after three meetings but jesus, how to scoot this thing along? I mean, shouldn’t she get homework or something? Like maybe I should just send her my blog, and she can read up and get a better sense of what I’m thinking. Because honestly, is this arrangement really fair to me or to her? We need “office hours” in addition to class time.

So today the discussion deviated from the previous ones, because frankly, I haven’t been focusing on my issues recently. For one, I haven’t been going to open mics or theater performances so in a way, I’ve saved myself from the usual inadequacy triggers. But whatever, I’ve just started to get back into my activities and not worry so much about achieving for now.

So today I wanted to talk about this whole recent theme of disturbing news… and what does she say? First off, it would be highly unwise and inappropriate of me to broach these allegations with my manager. Her argument is that I don’t really know what happened. And either way, the damage has already been done to his reputation and to my level of respect for him. My argument is that if indeed the stories are true, his reckless, harmful behavior continues to wreak havoc on unsuspecting women and overlooking it is again just another way of letting people get away with shit… where is the accountability for their actions?

So then what does she suggest? She says to investigate deeper to see WHY I’m getting so worked up about these stories of sexual misdeeds (because I brought up the Duke story and Michael Jackson too). What the hell does she want me to say? I feel like she’s digging for some hidden secret, like I was molested as a child or raped as a teen. She asks why I’m not outraged about global warming or suicide bombers. Wtf? Believe me sister, I get worked up about a lot of things. Does she want me to put ALL of it on the table? Is it not enough to say that I am feminist, and violence against women (much of which is sexual) is closely linked to sexual discrimination and inequality? So annoyed.

And just because I’m childless, does that mean I should NOT be outraged by sex abuse of children? Fuck it, man. Who makes ANY progress with therapy? Jesus, I go into it believing/wanting it to work but in the end, it’s just like going around in circles. John says the only experts I actually have luck with are doctors. The others? I always think they’ll guide me to the light but more often than not, they just don’t seem to “get” me.

Conclusion? Status quo: proceed as usual and hope to god, women using online dating site are doing their due diligence researching their potential dates. Come on, people. GOOOGLE!!