John and I dropped off the parents at the airport, and then immediately headed over to the Maker Faire. That place was fucking mobbed. Seriously, it took us about 45 min just to get in the front gate. Lines were wrapped all the way around the parking lot. This is what happens I suppose with events with cult-live followings.

John tries to go every year, and this year he convinced me by trying to sell the whole “craft” angle. The good news is that I actually met and spoke with JH, the creator of WoolBuddy!! It was pretty darn cool. I told him my parents were just in town, and mom and I did WoolBuddies. I didn’t show him the pictures, but I’ll leave that up to his imagination. Truth be told, mom’s owl was deformed. It looked more like an owl-parrot hybrid, and dad even went so far as to describe it like a rabbit, so needless to say, that one needed some help.

What else. We found an artist that we really liked, and we actually purchased two of her prints. Of course, leave it to us to pick out a print of the Golden Gate Bridge that features two lesbians. Yes, I thought one of the members of the couple had a strange “guy” haircut, and it wasn’t until we had left the artist’s stall that we both realized the artwork featured a same-sex couple. Not that we are anti-gay, but well, it was supposed to be in our living room representing us in some forced way. 😉 Long story short, I went back to the artist and asked to exchange the piece for another. My explanation was that the colors were too dark for where I wanted to hang it. Issue averted, but man, leave it to us to fuck up the initial selection. See for yourself: Original purchase One and Two. Replacement print. Her work is very fun.

We also purchased these fun lil Japanese paper toys called Piperoids. Basically, they are movable toys created from paper pipes. We made these the other night. Totally crafty and cute.

The parentals were in town earlier this month on their annual pilgrimage to the Houseboat. Of course, I was stressed the entire week prior and the week during, wracking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell to do with them for a week. Fortunately, from the last time they were here, the house at least had had some dramatic improvements with the outdoor space dressed up and some of the indoor spaces decorated a bit. The house just was a bit more lived in, which I think made them just more settled and comfortable. They liked what the landscapers had done with the backyard and such.

As usual, we gave up our Westin bed for the week. Luckily, I found an air mattress on Amazon (just two days before their arrival) for us in the guest room, and with the memory foam mattress topper, that thing was pretty damn comfy. No comparison to the Westin bed which still has the heated mattress topper, but nonetheless, the air mattress was a clear upgrade from the crappy futon to which many past visitors have been subjected (Sorry!).

Anyway, the visit itself went fine. I spent the weekend with them, taking them to some new Chinese restaurants and then during the week, I took off two days. One night mom and I made Woolbuddies; we did a bit of shopping, paperwork/logistical stuff, cooking at home, and then pretty much the trip was over. Oh well, on Friday I took them to the DeYoung Observatory in Golden Gate Park. It was a nice day, and I packed some fruit, so we sat outside afterwards and soaked in the sunshine. For lunch, I took them to Burma Superstar, and wow, that was a tasty, pleasant surprise. I’ve been craving their fermented tea leaf salad ever since. I was just happy though to have my parents try something new and actually like it.

The good news is that my parents seem to be healthy. We went for nightly walks around the neighborhood, and they certainly held their own while walking through Golden Gate Park. They are noticeably slower when they walk but thankfully, they are still truckin’ along.

And of course I should mention that no trip ends without the obligatory incident where mom tries to give me her old clothes. Every now and then, there’s something worth wearing but usually, it’s fuddy duddy shit that’s oversized and totally not age appropriate. Jesus, if my father tells me one more time that I should wear “more professional” attire (“like suits from Kasper”), I’m going to fucking scream. I’m not 65+, for crying out loud!!!  And in my office, no one fucking shows up to work in suits. Seriously, we wear JEANS!! What can I do but shake my head in disbelief.

John and I celebrated nine years of marriage last month (hence the items listed in the title). Thankfully, he’s been feeling really well lately, and hell I am living it up while I can. 🙂

He even planned our weekend celebration in Yosemite (first time ever!). What a beautiful, magical place (even for out-of-shape pudgers like ourselves). We had a great time, but now we’re back onto a new program: detox and exercise. Hope to be back in tip top by my birthday next month. Fingers crossed. No games.

Good weekends– they have felt rather few and far between, so I suppose the good ones are worth writing about. Truth be told, I’ve started 3 or 4 draft posts in the last several months, and none of them got to the “publish” mode. Why? Perhaps I’m starting to self-censor? Ugh, I hate the thought of that. But I admit, those four drafts were started in anger. Really, I was so pissed and annoyed when I sat down to write those. I was feeling a host of emotions with each one– but all of my feelings were negative and bitter. For one reason or another, I decided to let my words simmer. And the result is that I don’t want to revisit those drafts today.

Today, I want to talk about my good weekend. John and I pretty much just kept to ourselves for 2.5 days but it was kinda nice. Friday night we went to the movies and my god, the theater was mobbed. Damn Hunger Games. Nope, we went to see Friends with Kids. I thoroughly enjoyed the storytelling… well all the way up until the end. The ending felt a bit sudden but other than that, great movie. We were one of maybe 3 couples in the whole theater. Everyone else was there for Hunger Games. I know, we’re fucking behind the times. We got waffle fries and popcorn and basically got ourselves sick off theater food. That shit is so gross, but hey, there’s always a time and a place for everything, right?

Saturday was errand day. I know, nothing exciting but we’ve been procrastinating for AGES on a Costco run and Saturday we just bit the bullet and went in like warriors. We also FINALLY redeemed our Costco Amex bucks. God, what a f-ing pain they make that whole procedure. Regardless, stocked up and now we’re ready for our visitors Monday and Tuesday. Saturday night we watched a foreign film on Netflix. It was so different and amusing from the usual Hollywood bullshit. Well done.

Sunday, John got up hours before I did and I awoke to breakfast in bed. Fucking awesome. One of those “I Love My Life” moments, you know? At noon, I headed to the ranch, which was wet and muddy. Our riding group went on the paved road and trails at the adjacent park. I’m finally getting ahold of this “collected” riding idea. What a huge difference a “collected” horse makes. Smooth riding today! Now we can begin the cattle drive countdown!

This afternoon Bubs and I got the house ready for our visitors. J and K are coming on Monday. It’s been 6 years since we’ve seen J and maybe 4-5 since we’ve seen K. We’re thrilled to have them over. Hope their first time to the SF Bay area impresses!

They say “different strokes for different folks” but never has this been more apparent to me than now. I just spent a week in DC. The primary objective was a conference for work, but I used this as an opportunity to catch up with people from my past. Haha, that sounds a bit mischevious, but don’t worry, it’s completely innocent.

Thankfully my old college roommie lives near the Verizon Center in downtown DC– prime location for a week in the nation’s capital. And so, with her posh bachelorette pad as my homebase, I met up with a friend from elementary/middle/high school, my supervisor from the engineering firm (circa 2000), our college dormmate, and my grandparents (parents were out of town). I think that I’ve learned a lot about myself on this trip. I really do treat friendships differently than most people. I remember, when I was resigning from the fuel cell startup back in 2007, my coworker commented that leaving the company was like going through a break up. And I totally could NOT relate to his example. He asked, haven’t you ever broken up with someone, and then I kinda realized that I don’t break up with people. I mean, I guess if you consider my one-week “boyfriend” with whom I spent two weeks at summer school (the same summer I met John) then maybe… but other than that, I have never really had formal breakups. Sure, relationships drift, but I was thinking that I don’t let many of them go. And so I started thinking about my past and people with whom for one reason or another, I worked at keeping in touch. Maybe it was just an annual catch-up email, but I can say the relationships are strong enough that I think if I needed something, I would be able to call on them. I would be able to ask for help.

I catalog my life by periods of schooling and work.
Elementary school: there’s J
Middle/high school: N
College: Y, M, J
Grad school: G
CDM: C
FMF: —
Shanghai: P
Oorja: J, K
Current: J, T

I would say in most but not all of these relationships, I’m the initiator. I do the calling/emailing/meetup planning… That’s just how it works; I guess I just stay on people. Maybe the cold hard truth is that I just don’t take hints. I hope that’s not the case here.

Anyway, I thought it was an interesting observation. So this week I had the conference and several meetups with old friends, but I still had a substantial amount of me time. It really made me think about just how many years have gone by. I saw J– we’d met in the 3rd grade, and now she’s a mom. God, I was 18 when Y and I met at Duke. I guess what blew my mind the most though was not the years, but just how we are all in different places now. We all started as naive kids really, and now J is married and has a daughter. Y is a rockstar cancer surgeon. G is a superstar prof/women’s health expert. N is a vet. M’s a dad of two kids. It’s just crazy how much our lives have diverged.

Thankfully, when we get together, things still feel so natural and comfortable and familiar, but the shift is substantial. Especially for the people with kids, all the things I used to identify as being “them” are now no longer. Like M. He used to shoot photography for the campus paper. He played concert-level piano, he was fully fluent in French. Now he doesn’t have time. He hasn’t played piano in ages. And then there’s me: I wonder if people with children think I’m living like a kid, taking all the fun classes I wish I had taken in my youth. I wonder if they judge me or find me to be self-indulgent and selfish. I hope they respect that we all have different choices: like I once said to my sister-in-law: some people have 5 kids; John and I have 5 computers (and 2 dogs).

I had a great visit with my grandparents on Thursday. They are in their late 80s and early 90s and my goodness, I went walking with my grandmother in the neighborhood for an HOUR. Their minds are still so sharp too. Grandma still recalls so many stories. She gave me a new crocheted hat. My mom has the same hat in brown, and she has it in black. Mine is red. It’s like the same hat for three generations of women. Funny.

My grandfather (gotta love the bluntness of my family) asked if I had gotten double eyelid surgery. I was wearing teal eyeliner that day, so I think it threw him off. Grandma also always takes the opportunity to tell me to dress warmly: since my puffy coat was so short, she suggested combating the cold by wearing high-waisted jeans. Then grandpa stepped in to tell her not to give style advice: he insisted that the current style is low-waisted stuff, but “she wouldn’t know.” Their interactions are so comical.

Well the week is coming to an end, and I have to say, I’m excited to get back home. I do love my independence, but I started to miss Bubbey and the pups by mid-week, so I’m happy to be flying back. Tomorrow (Sunday), I climb back in the saddle. Btw, got some dirt from work on the ranch where I’m training. Will have to share that another time.

January has been another busy month. John and I are doing much better (not that we’re ever FULLY out of the woods), and I’ve taken some much-needed respite flying out of town to meet up with friends. For MLK holiday, I jetted down to Long Beach to hang with my Shanghai buddy Pamela. She’s newly divorced and well, out on the prowl. 🙂  Just opened an account on Match.com and well, let’s just say, it’s been kinda fun scoping out the scene vicariously through her. I know, all my single friends insist the dating scene is brutal, but honestly, Pamela appears to be having fun with it! She’s a little boy crazy, which is different to witness, but you know, not so bad in short doses. Plus, now that I’m back home and there’s been tons of development, I realize that she is all talk after all. She had been going on and on about how her dude would have to be hot, blah, blah, and then a week later, she started communicating with someone who didn’t even post a photo of himself. They met up for dinner, and so far, it’s on its way to being another Match.com success story. See? The scene is not so bad!

Anyway, we had a busy itinerary. We went to a dueling piano bar where we had these tasty Mandarin shots (plus a mojito). They made that shit strong, but I did fine– inched closer to being the most drunk I’ve ever been but still under control. We played some darts, some pool, hit the hot yoga studio, and then I was off to the OC to visit other friends– with a totally different lifestyle. Young couple with a 3 y/o, but I had a great time hanging out with them. I used to work with the hubby, but I get along super well with the wifey. She’s one of the sweetest people I know. After that, I was back home and of course, leave it to my immune system to let me down. I got sicker than hell Wednesday and just like that, the rest of the week was shot. I’m still getting over it actually. I know, I was a total dumbass about NOT getting the flu shot this year. Never again will I test fate that way.

This weekend, I flew down to Vegas to meet up with Nathalie who was in town for a vet conference. Thankfully, we avoided most of the usual Vegas bullshit and opted instead to rent a car and drive out and explore: Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon, Valley of Fire State Park– wow, who knew Vegas had all this to offer. And plenty of nice, scenic drives too, so it works well for those who prefer to sightsee by car.

For her birthday, we had dinner at the Stratosphere, which was a pleasant surprise. They have a rotating restaurant up top with an awesome view of the city. And during dinner, they have skyjumpers taking off from the roof above, so you get to have dinner while people are, well for your mind’s intents and purposes, “committing suicide.” Super bizarro. After dinner, we went up to the Observation Deck, where we discovered an interesting amusement ride– basically, it was a ship of passengers on a seesaw mounted on the edge of the building. The ship would start on the high end of the plank, and as the plank tipped, the ship of people would slide over to the low end. Fucking crazy if you ask me. It’s like people asking to die.

Anyway, Nathalie and I had a fun time catching up. The weekend escape with buds works out pretty well for me, because after that, I’m ready to head home and reunite with Bubs and the pups.

I’m giving this Pinterest thing a whirl. I spent most of this evening actually beefing up my “style inspiration” board. It was fun. Too bad I’m too cheap for most of the stuff I pinned. Sigh.

I watch the Kardashians, because I obsess about relationship drama.  Not the asinine Desperate Housewives kind of drama where people are throwing champagne glasses and pulling out each others’ hair, but the more complicated kind (yes, I think the K’s are complex) where people have individual dreams and expectations for their lives, and yet all of it has to somehow meld into something that works inside a relationship.  This last month, I didn’t really need to watch the Ryan Seacrest productions to get my fix.  No, I drummed up plenty of my own– in fact, I had enough personal drama to cut my life expectancy by at least a decade.

Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling bothered again by how much John was working.  I know this sounds very much like the same story: I work a government job with very defined hours; he works a startup job with anything but.  I fill my time with activities; he works.  We do things in groups with our circle of friends.  Slowly but surely, the distance creeps in, bc I get frustrated having to deal with all the home logistics on my own, and he doesn’t understand my growing intolerance for his disengaged lifestyle.  I try to express my frustration; he dismisses it saying that he tries very hard with balancing.  The discussions go nowhere, and a month later, we’re discussing a trial separation.  Yup, that’s how we roll.  Full blown drama.

So the thing is, there is a pattern.  And yet, the conditions are slightly different each time: I was dealing with my depression in 2000; his bouts in 2003, then again after we returned Stateside in 2006.  Finally, in 2011, with a combination of therapy, meds, activity, and diet, depression was finally manageable.  So we were both ready to be happy, right?

No.  Like I said, I was growing increasingly annoyed by his overall distraction and lack of attention at home.  I was getting pissed about the labor inequality– with household chores as well as the extracurricular activities/travel planning.  We were supposed to be best friends.  We were supposed to be genuinely interested in each other and kind to each other, but instead, I felt under-appreciated and neglected.  When I voiced my feelings, he didn’t agree or understand or acknowledge.  Then earlier this month, I snapped.  This wasn’t the life I wanted.

For two days, we were like strangers living in the same house.  When the anger subsided, I was just so sad thinking how it had ultimately come to this.  On a Thursday morning before work, I made one final effort to explain what I had been feeling and why I had been feeling it.  I gave examples comparing how I thought he continually prioritized work over home. This wasn’t about keeping score. I’m good at doing that, but I also know that he very much defines himself through work– I think a lot of childless people do that. I wasn’t trying to compete-  I was trying to prove a point and also insist on true balance.  Anyway, it was a one-sided conversation and then I went to work.

Later that day, both individually and then together, we arrived at the same conclusion: we didn’t want a trial separation. Somehow that seemed only to signal giving up. Despite the fatigue, ultimately, we still loved each other and we wanted this to work.  Whether it was the history, the habit, or the romantic belief in love conquering all…

The following few days, we sat down and itemized every single task involved with running the ship. We put it into a schedule/matrix of things that are daily, every other day, weekly, every other week, monthly, etc. Then we talked openly about what we needed individually from the relationship. None of this (except the matrix) was particularly new or novel, but I suppose it was necessary for our restart. It was also a reminder of something my father recently told me: a relationship requires continual cultivation. And I realize now that “how” you cultivate is also important. I need attention and help with “tasks”; he needs more self time to re-energize, and we both need more private quality time together. It’s been a week since our meeting at Appomattox, and things are better. We have spent a few quiet days at home, and it’s been nice. I’m hopeful for the new year ahead.

Meanwhile, Remy’s been a real pain lately. We are still trying to nail down her thyroid meds dosage, and it’s resulted in hyper, nocturnal Remy who drinks a shitload of water and pisses every 2 hours throughout the night. Yes, only at night. So fricking bizarre. I think this must be what it’s like to nurse a newborn. Yesterday, we returned from a Xmas party to find piss on the hallway rug. Time to take matters into my own hands. Gonna halve the dose and just give it to her once a day… no more of this incremental bullshit. Cannot do this for much longer. Jesus. I’m already a light sleeper, so this schedule has been disastrous. Thankfully, my zombie state is actually acceptable during the holidays. But still, back to work tomorrow so sorry Rems, but we’re gonna need to bring sluggo back!

Just when I thought October was hectic with my trip to Taiwan, November really kicked my ass.  John’s work schedule picked up even more: he was on the east coast at the start of the month.  Then while he was there, his nephew (oldest sister’s 2^nd kid) passed away unexpectedly.  C was 15 and severely autistic.  He had gotten sick for several days while at school.  On Wednesday/Thursday, his mom picked him up, took him to hospital: doctor thought it was a bad flu. That night he died in his bed.  We flew to Maryland for the funeral and my god, John’s sister gave the eulogy for her son!!  I was so moved by her words and her strength.  The whole thing just really made me reflect again on the frailty of life and just the importance of really treasuring relationships with people you love…

While all this shit went down, Remy got sick with vertigo (idiopathic vestibular syndrome).  I came home from work, and she was suddenly all imbalanced and wobbly– her hind legs just kept sliding out from under her.  She had been totally fine just that morning, so I thought she’d had a stroke while I was at work.  I took her to the emergency room… the condition turned out to be vertigo, and she’s almost fully recovered now (2+ weeks later) but I made the mistake of asking the vet her life expectancy, given her size and overall health and he told me she’s about there (!!!) at 13/14 years old.  So as you can imagine, I was already all emotional from C’s death, John was away, and then, even though her current illness was recoverable, I just started thinking about life without Rems.  Needless to say, I was a sobbing mess. Thankfully, November has a lot of holiday days, so I’m slowly getting my shit back together on some of these days off.

In other news, we had our annual Halloween festivities at work. I went in there determined to win the “most creative costume” contest, but fuck, I came in second.  And the winner’s costume was lame!!  I don’t want to say it, but “It’s fucking racial, man!” Judge for yourself!

I’m still horseback riding, but I’m getting frustrated with my slow progress.  I lost some weight (don’t spaz, just 5 lbs.), and I feel like it’s weakened my core strength or something (realistically, I’m probably just out of shape because I took a break from yoga).  Anyway, it’s not cool to have my thigh cramp/seize up while riding. The lesson’s only an hour long!  Wtf?  How am I gonna be an authentic cowgirl if this shit keeps happening?  I know, I need to start exercising again…  But for tomorrow’s lesson, wish me luck. This weak-ass bull is getting old.

In my previous post, I neglected to mention that I actually had THREE encounters with religious fanatics in NINE days. First, the eye candy I was hoping for on the flight over took the form of a frightened 70+ y/o Korean lady. Her son in San Diego was supposed to fly to SFO and accompany her to Seoul for knee operation. Well, flaky flake missed his flight into SFO, leaving her to make the long haul all alone. She was in a lot of pain, so for a few hours, I had her legs propped up in my lap. She claimed I was God’s answer to her fears and prayers. And then she proceeded to pour out all her judgmental, righteous religious beliefs even after I told her I didn’t believe. Yup, I thought I was gonna get 12+ hours to mentally prepare for my own family drama. Guess it wasn’t part of her God’s plan.

Second, I had my own brother take me to that cult meeting and triple-team me. Fucking A.

Third, when I went to see my monk uncle who lives out in the middle of no where (plus, I got car sick from about 2.5 hours with my aunt’s herky jerky driving + off-roading), he kept greeting me with “amitofu” and prayer hands. Then, he presented me with a necklace inscribed with the Buddhist chant. I was so irritated with people trying to impose this shit on me, that I refused to accept the necklace. I said, I could not accept it, because it was to be worn by someone who believes, and I don’t believe. Sure, this was borderline rude but whatever, I wasn’t about to get pressured into going through the motions when they were totally counter to my own atheism.

Anyway, after all that drama settled, I had a major freakout the day before my departure. I thought I had left my passport at my parents’ place in Taipei, but when I returned there the day before my flight, it was no where to be found. So then I called a bunch of my cousins and aunts with whom I had stayed and asked them to search. They called the bus, the rail, the metro lost and founds. In the end, dad arrived and discovered it stashed with his own important docs. He’d mistaken my passport portfolio for his own and hid everything away. Holy shit. I nearly died at the thought of having to re-apply for a passport and extend my stay. By then, I was so ready to go home.

Thankfully, I made it back home safely.  I’m easing back into my routine, but damn, the freaking temperatures are throwing me off! Not really, but it’s a good excuse! John and I stopped going to the mindful meditation class we had started in October: it just felt like too much of a chore, and we didn’t like the verbose classmates, and we didn’t make time outside of class to practice… so that coping mechanism for stress isn’t being developed at the moment.

All this while my mind feels more restless than usual…. I think because we’ve cut back on friend activities during the week (everyone’s too busy), and I’ve been spending more time alone, maybe? Yeah lots of me time these days for shopping, making my Halloween costume, going to the movies, going to tech events, soaking in the hot tub, making dinner, folding laundry… need to convert some of that energy into something uber productive…